You guys were right..again

Avatar for blueclouds1627
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
You guys were right..again
3
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 11:16am
Thanks to some much needed advice, I am officially LC with XAP. I was really struggling with whether or not it would work with us keeping some type of friendship. I realized that it is only a matter of time and things could get really ugly again. As expected, he is noticing that I'm not engaging with him. The last 2 days, I haven't bothered with him at all. I am noticing that he is spending more time " casually" walking by my work area, glancing at me. I don't even acknowledge it, even though it's hard to ignore. I am seeing much more clearly now what a mistake it was thinking he mattered. I could really care less about his fiancé, or the OTHER woman he is sleeping with ( yes, he decided that I needed to know he is still cheating...but with someone else..what a prize he is...ugh! ) I finally see him for the JAM he is. Surprisingly, I'm not hurting. It is just a matter of fact. We did it, it's over. Now I have to reclaim my RL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 11:51am

Man, not to focus anything on _him_, but ew! what tool!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 12:01pm
I completely understand your struggle since I work with my xAP, too. It feels awkward running into him or seeing him at company functions. But, I think that awkwardness is better than that emotional spiral I experienced when I unblocked him from our inter-office IM.

It's over. We cannot be friends. We were not lovers who ended a relationship - our relationship was wrong at it's very base and core with nothiing good or WORTH salvaging. Do we REALLY want to be FRIENDS with these guys?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 1:41pm
Working with the xAP is the highest of all challenges. I felt simply unable to be well while exposed to him - I made the very difficult decision to leave a contract that we were on together. I have had to maintain very LC because there was/is still outstanding work between us - but I always ensure to copy others in on our emails and to NEVER engage with him when he tries to figure out what I am up to. There is absolutely no pain any longer - nothing but indifference. I have no reaction when I see his name in my emails - I don't flinch, wince or feel like vomiting. It took a long while to get here - but indeed, you'll continue to make progress as long as you keep the focus on all the right things that exist in your RL.

One day you will be so very grateful that you never ended up together.

Life is too short to be lived in the darkness of self-generated shadows.

Hugs,

TU.