did something sort of creepy &
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did something sort of creepy &
| Mon, 07-31-2006 - 5:07pm |
i'm not quite sure how i feel.or even how i felt while i was doing it,but it narrows down to slithering my way out of a situation.
i've got more than i like to think about on my plate,not the least of which is i have to go pdoc shopping again hoping i come up w/ something decent.this last one has been a supreme dissapointment,which i take personally,but he's too expensive for me to put up with being an oversight.
this already promises to be a very tough week.but i digress..............rewind to the beginning of the summer when a strange young woman came in the theater & asked to sit in on camp.i diplomatically said NO..she would have to get the approval of the boss....who immediately walked her in,no questions asked(the idiot)
she never left.
the counselors dispised her & told me so everyday.complaints complaints complaints.
she would hang around & tell me her sad sad story & i would pretend to listen never looking too interested.
she began to ask if i or anyone i knew had a couch she could sleep on.
i didn't recognise myself.i said no no no....if i had known she'd been getting food money from campers i would've ended it right there but i didn't know that till today when i payed it all back to the kids who realized she isn't coming back.
fast foward...she stopped coming.the counselors found her sitting in the pizza place with a bunch of belongings,long sleeves & gauze covered wrists.she had been in the hospital for 2 days.
my counselors wanted me to find out what happened,but i already knew.she had superficial cuts & went in for a 72 hour hold but they found no reason to keep her.the rest she attempted to tell me but mostly giggled & said...it was bad.i tried to get her to leave by explaining that i couldn't understand why she would want to spend her days in such a stressful environment w/ hostility from the counselors when she's JUST out of the hospital.she did the cow eyes let me stay routine & i dropped it.
that was the end of last week.
today she comes in,not only are the long sleeves & bandages gone but she's not even wearing a bra.she's not an attractive woman but she's big,& i was sort of way in the back of my mind surprised at her outfit working w/ kids.
ok...here it is.i'm getting good at being the boss & saying no no no no...like i said,i don't recognise myself.but there are still people who are very good at mind ****ing me.
for a few years i have been having an affair with a truly happily married man who summons me at his bidding.every single time i say no & somehow(this is not a guy i would ever even date he has an ego the size of the grand canyon that makes him the butt of many jokes.at the same time he is a respected(?????)member of many organizations & has the ability of making me feel as signifigant as an ant & that i should be thrilled he has chosen me.
i truly do not know what he sees in me.he simply makes me uncomfortable.
well...he's come around again.i ditched his calls for a full month & then he found me.he wanted me yesterday & couldn't understand when i said there's no way.besides last time i saw him we agreed it was done.
i shoulda known he'd show up at work.
as soon as i sat down to talk to him(the kids were going out to play & creepgirl said she had to leave.
then she sees him.ok,maybe i'm wrong but its been a long time since i've seen such out & out flagrant behavior.before i know it they're onstage singing a duet & he's praising her up the wazoo & telling me that i should praise & appreciate her.EVERTHING in my body language from when she first pulled up a chair SCREAMED get out of here & i am not interested in what you are saying.
so....i ask the 2 14 year olds if they see what i see & bolt up & leave.
i find my head counselor & tell....don't worry she's outa here.
when i head back to the theater i see the guy & tell him to get bent.he says oh can't you see how NEEDY she is & i tell him she's been a pain since day one & SHE ain't my job!
then i go in & demand for her to come over & i tell her he came to see ME & it wasn't about HER this time & i was sick of her neuroses & she should leave & never come back.she appealed to my 14 year olds but finally left.
HE was waiting in the yard & stopped me to ask when we could be together,today?tomorrow?not anytime soon i said & he actually began to throw a tantrum which made me want to puke.
i then went to the counselors & told then they got their wish...she was gone.& i waited till he left.
do you know what i mean when i say i don't know how i feel about what i did?
i just want all the users OUT of my life.
including that stupid dr.
i've got more than i like to think about on my plate,not the least of which is i have to go pdoc shopping again hoping i come up w/ something decent.this last one has been a supreme dissapointment,which i take personally,but he's too expensive for me to put up with being an oversight.
this already promises to be a very tough week.but i digress..............rewind to the beginning of the summer when a strange young woman came in the theater & asked to sit in on camp.i diplomatically said NO..she would have to get the approval of the boss....who immediately walked her in,no questions asked(the idiot)
she never left.
the counselors dispised her & told me so everyday.complaints complaints complaints.
she would hang around & tell me her sad sad story & i would pretend to listen never looking too interested.
she began to ask if i or anyone i knew had a couch she could sleep on.
i didn't recognise myself.i said no no no....if i had known she'd been getting food money from campers i would've ended it right there but i didn't know that till today when i payed it all back to the kids who realized she isn't coming back.
fast foward...she stopped coming.the counselors found her sitting in the pizza place with a bunch of belongings,long sleeves & gauze covered wrists.she had been in the hospital for 2 days.
my counselors wanted me to find out what happened,but i already knew.she had superficial cuts & went in for a 72 hour hold but they found no reason to keep her.the rest she attempted to tell me but mostly giggled & said...it was bad.i tried to get her to leave by explaining that i couldn't understand why she would want to spend her days in such a stressful environment w/ hostility from the counselors when she's JUST out of the hospital.she did the cow eyes let me stay routine & i dropped it.
that was the end of last week.
today she comes in,not only are the long sleeves & bandages gone but she's not even wearing a bra.she's not an attractive woman but she's big,& i was sort of way in the back of my mind surprised at her outfit working w/ kids.
ok...here it is.i'm getting good at being the boss & saying no no no no...like i said,i don't recognise myself.but there are still people who are very good at mind ****ing me.
for a few years i have been having an affair with a truly happily married man who summons me at his bidding.every single time i say no & somehow(this is not a guy i would ever even date he has an ego the size of the grand canyon that makes him the butt of many jokes.at the same time he is a respected(?????)member of many organizations & has the ability of making me feel as signifigant as an ant & that i should be thrilled he has chosen me.
i truly do not know what he sees in me.he simply makes me uncomfortable.
well...he's come around again.i ditched his calls for a full month & then he found me.he wanted me yesterday & couldn't understand when i said there's no way.besides last time i saw him we agreed it was done.
i shoulda known he'd show up at work.
as soon as i sat down to talk to him(the kids were going out to play & creepgirl said she had to leave.
then she sees him.ok,maybe i'm wrong but its been a long time since i've seen such out & out flagrant behavior.before i know it they're onstage singing a duet & he's praising her up the wazoo & telling me that i should praise & appreciate her.EVERTHING in my body language from when she first pulled up a chair SCREAMED get out of here & i am not interested in what you are saying.
so....i ask the 2 14 year olds if they see what i see & bolt up & leave.
i find my head counselor & tell....don't worry she's outa here.
when i head back to the theater i see the guy & tell him to get bent.he says oh can't you see how NEEDY she is & i tell him she's been a pain since day one & SHE ain't my job!
then i go in & demand for her to come over & i tell her he came to see ME & it wasn't about HER this time & i was sick of her neuroses & she should leave & never come back.she appealed to my 14 year olds but finally left.
HE was waiting in the yard & stopped me to ask when we could be together,today?tomorrow?not anytime soon i said & he actually began to throw a tantrum which made me want to puke.
i then went to the counselors & told then they got their wish...she was gone.& i waited till he left.
do you know what i mean when i say i don't know how i feel about what i did?
i just want all the users OUT of my life.
including that stupid dr.

Give yourself a big pat on the back Suzi. You did the right thing on both counts. Mr. Ego needs to get a life of his own and leave you alone as does the psycho woman that was hanging out. But I do know how you feel though. While it feels right it also feels wrong. Well trust me, in this case it was all right. Now we just need to get you hooked up with a decent pdoc.
Traci
you just made a very bad day,very very good.thank you.