2nd mixed episode (trigs+whine)
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| Mon, 08-07-2006 - 3:03pm |
I had a mixed episode Saturday night -- it only lasted about 2 hours. However, they seem to be more dangerous than even my lowest lows. When I'm just depressed, my energy is so low that even when I'm suicidal, I'm not as likely to act on it. But this... it was like just the thought came and then the impulse was there. I went for a long walk and forced my thoughts to think about just breathing and walking. When I returned I took 8 benedryl and when to bed. Yeah, it was a risk, but it was a compromise and a hope it would put me to sleep -- it did. If the episode had lasted longer I'd probably be hospitalized right now.
Today, Saturday feels as though it was just a dream. I'm neither up nor down. I'm not used to these bouts occuring so short (In the past, episodes lasted 1-2 weeks). Even if I did go to a PDoc it'd be over by the time I got there, there'd be no point and no symptoms to work from.
But I really don't want to go back on meds. They made me so foggy headed and sleepy all the time, plus they made me gain weight (and I was overweight to begin with). Plus I want to get pregnant again.


God could not be everywhere, so