Do you feel...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Do you feel...
10
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:56am

better on or off meds? Why? What's different?

We all know the decision to take meds or not is very personal, but I'm wondering how you guys feel about this. I'll post my opinion in a bit.

Love

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:15pm

Okay...this isn't to dissuade anyone from taking their meds...let me say that first off. Okay?

Now...to answer my own question...I feel better without meds...EXCEPT for my Lexapro, anti depressant. The mood stabilizers don't work. The antipsychotics are HELL for me...because I can't tolerate the newer ones like Abilify and Geodon. Only icky Seroquel and Risperdal, and not long on Risperdal. I refuse to take Seroquel again.

Lithium - I will take only at a very very small dose. The heavy duty stabilizers make me so dulled...and emotionless...and sleepy. When I was rapid cycling like crazy (still do sometimes), they didn't do much. Rapid cycling BP is harder to treat, and likewise, the meds just have too many side affects for me to want to take them and not get much benefit.

Since being off meds, except my a/d, I've felt more alive than I have in years. But its not the MANIC alive I'm talking about. Its just life. I can live it again, unlike ever before on meds.

Now, having said that...I will say this. If I get way bad off again, and I need the meds to survive, I WILL TAKE THEM. But for now, during this period of remission, I am not going to take them.

I've worked VERY VERY hard to get myself together, BP or not. I'm learning to control my mood swings when I can, and go with them when I can't. Education and self control, to me, were the KEY in my being stable now. As well as EATING and not starving myself (big one for me), no drinking, and no drugs. It all works together. It took me a long long time to learn that...I lost a lot to BP, but it was also ME. I did the things I did. I let drugs control me for a very long time. I allowed it all to happen. So, now, I learn from the mistakes and let them go. Moving forward as much as possible.

Yes, I get a bit manicky, and I get depressed. But so does everyone else. Its my life, what I was given, and I have to make it count.

Does this make sense to anyone?

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 1:52pm

Well, i've been off meds for about a week now and I'm thinking I need to go back on them. I've been all scrambled and unable to focus. But at the same time, i feel dulled and like a zombie on the meds. So i don't know which is the lesser of the two evils.

Avatar for tallyn75
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2003
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 2:54pm
When I first went on meds, they made me feel safe. That feeling lasted 3-4 months then it gradually went away. In it's place, was a dissatisfaction as I began to become more aware of the dulling effect of the lithium. Around the 7th month I was without meds for about 2 weeks, just enough time to become an emotional wreck. My PDoc talked me into going back on them and the moods immediately mellowed out again. But I resented the numbness they brought. For the next 5 months, I took my meds, but continually thought about stopping. Then as the 12th month approached, I decided I'd had enough. I went through the emotional upheaval (withdrawal). Even though I felt bad, I decided to stick with my decision. The severest part of the withdrawal only lasted a week, then it lessened. I never went back to the PDoc, and screened out phone calls from the PDoc's secretary (not like that PDoc would ever make phone calls himself--state employed PDoc). For a full 6 months, I had no symptoms whatsoever. Only in the last couple of months have I noticed a return of symptoms. If they get to a point I can't handle it, I probably will go back on meds, but I won't go back to that PDoc. Never did feel comfortable around him.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 5:36pm

I myself will *never* go off my meds. I know what life is like without them, and I don't want to go there again! A few weeks ago...I was without my meds for 4 days.(forgot to call it in)Anyway, I was awful!! I was being sooo mean, and my family noticed it right away. I feel really good with my new meds, and hope they continue to work this good.

~Renee

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 5:56pm
i FEEL better OFF meds but i DO terrible things.& feel i deserve every single one.
i also give my money away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:21pm

I have been thinking about this same thing for about a month. I really feel I am over medicated. I know my pdoc is just trying to make me better but I don't like all these meds. I am going to wean myself off the lamictal. I take 600mgs and I will start taking 400mg, then I will go down to 200, then 100, then stop. I guess i should call him and let him know what I am doing. I know he will hate me for it, but it's my body.


So, then I will just be on Prozac 40mgs

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:51pm

I'm with you Renee. Its too scary to think about going back where I was. Even now I get a taste of it every once in a while when things get a little stressful. I don't even remember how it feels not to be on meds except that its *bad*. Of course there's that novel I'll never finish since I'm not manic very often anymore..... :-)

Morgaine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:53pm
Right now it's hard to say because I haven't found the right mix yet, but I just feel/felt soo horrible off of them. I couldn't take the cycling. But now I'm having trouble with side effects and I'm sick of waiting around to see what "works". I forgot what it feels like to be normal and I'm doubting whether or not I ever will feel that way again. If meds get me there, I definitely choose on meds not off. I just want to feel good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 10:40pm

On!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
In reply to: keli003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 12:08pm

I've made my position about medication pretty well known before, but, in light of recent developments, it has changed LOL. As much as I still prefer not to take medication, I feel it is the best thing for me to do right now. I don't know if I will keep this position forever, but for now, I feel the only way for me to be healthy is to be on meds.

Being on an antidepressant alone is a bad choice for me, as I found out; I'm worse than on nothing at all. After being on the Topamax for almost 4 weeks now, along with the a/d, I'd have to say I'm better on the meds. I would not have said that a week ago, though. I called and asked to increase my Topamax last Fri. because I was headed for another mixed episode and the increase fortunately stopped it from progressing. I have actually felt "normal", "level", "even", whatever the right word is since Sunday, which is a first in probably close to a year. I have another med increase whenever my mail order gets here (about 10 days) and we will go from there. For right now it is working for me. I am hoping not to have to add any other meds, but if means staying stable, I'll have to deal with it. I am limited to what I can take because of my lupus, but I have given into the idea that, for now, the medication is worth it. My moods have gotten way too out of control to handle on my own. I was cycling too rapidly, starting with mixed states, and getting a little out of control at home. I was in a position that I needed to do something on my own or I would have been hospitalized, which would have resulted in meds anyway.

Peg