EAS vs AAS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
EAS vs AAS
7
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 6:09pm

I am new here. I an MM and asked before about whether this was for women only. Now I'm writing to ask what is the difference between EAS and AAS? I had a 15 month on-again-off-again A (really about 3-4 months "on" in that period) and made a break on Sep 1.There was a good- bye email in late Oct and then a brief exchange (ie she emailed and I replied) on Dec30/Jan1. Otherwise I have been NC since around Sep 3. It has been quite hard, and I am also wondering if by hanging around this forum, reading about A's etc I am prolonging it by keeping the A alive in my mind. There is not a single day I don't wake up thinking of her, but each day is a little better although there are occasional lows.

So I am not sure what to do and what the right forum is for me.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
In reply to: japrufrock
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 6:33pm

I have been a member, though somewhat inactive for a long time. I am a man.

There are different threads of thought on this and I have tried it many different ways. I have yet to find the answer.

I have tried blogging, tried posting and being involved, and even just reading.

I trust these people when they say it will get easier with time. I am old enough to know that time does heal all wounds.

I am now committed to letting time accumulate, and I know it will get better.

I read both, the AAS group,

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

Avatar for blueclouds1627
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
In reply to: japrufrock
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 6:49pm
Rather, something you said struck a chord with me..."Keep committed and resist contact". I have been struggling with wanting/needing to contact xAP. I haven't done it, but it has been tough. I keep telling myself that nothing good can come of it. He isn't going to say anything to me that will make a difference. I am only a week into LC ( we work together). The pull is SO strong sometimes. But I need to stay committed. Thanks so much for your advice. I am going to write it out and place it above my desk first thing Monday morning. Please don't say that your aren't "worthy" of posting advice. You just gave me the words that I needed to hear at a time when I needed it most. THANK YOU !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011
In reply to: japrufrock
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 7:14pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: japrufrock
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 8:55pm
If you have ended your A you can post on either forum and men are welcomed.

Some people are from the school of thought that reading/posting here several months after their A's are over keeps it alive in their minds. We have had 3-4 regular posters recently decide to stop coming here just for this reason so it's a personal choice as to whether reading here is helping or hindering your progress. Some have left only to come back because they needed reinforcement to stay the course.

I'd like to officially welcome you to our community now that you have actually started a thread. ;-)
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
In reply to: japrufrock
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 9:13pm
Japru, I'm not familiar with AAS, but from what you've said you have much in common with many of us here at EAS, so in that sense you're "in the right place". You raise a really good question about whether or not being here simply keeps the memories of the A alive in your mind longer than might otherwise be the case. I will be really interested to hear what the tweeners and vets think about this. For me, there are three key things that make me stay:
(1) the accountability - I know without a shadow of doubt that I would have slipped back into the A by now if it wasn't for the daily act of coming here and recommiting to NC, a stronger M, and a healthier me. I had tried to end many times before and failed every time. EAS works and that's enough for me
(2) the growth and insights - I do think about the A when I come here, but I'm not going round and round in futile circles or perpetuating romantic fantasies that could never be. My thinking becomes clearer and healthier every day and the things I am learning on EAS are helping me to improve almost every aspect of my life. If or when that growth stops I imagine I will gradually start to spend less time here and more and more time just enjoying my RL
(3) the possibility that by sharing my story here and offering my support to other newbies I may, one day, play a small part in protecting another family from the harm that I have caused to my own family and my xAP's family (whether they know of the A or not, I know that there were damaging consequences).

I'm not sure if any of that helps?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
In reply to: japrufrock
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 11:26pm

Hi Japrufrock and welcome to EAS!

The board is usually slow on weekends but things always pick up during the week, so please give this board some time as people will respond!

I dont know the AAS board but I do know this one...I have been here around 6 months...I came in when I was already 18 mos NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
In reply to: japrufrock
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 11:29pm
Oh and I should add, underlying all three of those reasons is my admiration and respect for the people here. The honesty, courage, and compassion shown by everyone from newbies to vets is what really makes this board work. :)