who is at indifference?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
who is at indifference?
3
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 4:54am

Of all the benchmarks we strive to reach on EAS, Indifference is right at the top, at least in respect to our feelings about the A and xAP -- though, imho, much less of a milestone than the other more important benchmarks of success which relate to our feelings about ourselves and our self-recovery.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 7:57am

((Dee))

Well, you already know that I've been there for several years, but your post

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 10:33am
Dear Dee,

I am at indifference.

I don't waiver anymore ... I don't feel connected to him in any way, shape or form. I have no feelings one way or another.

Indifference was greeted in by acceptance and accountability.

I have seen xAP a few times since the ending because of work-related responsibilities ... and the last few times, I literally felt like I was looking at someone I may have once known, but couldn't quite pinpoint. He was just another person in a crowded room.

It's not that feelings are repressed, some kinda denial ... it is surrendering. Indifference has come from dedicated introspection and vigilant commitment to NC.

Not only have I reached indifference, but I have experienced extreme levels of joy from staying completely present in the hardship of the consequences, working to restore lost relationships, and in doing the steps necessary to re-build trust with those I hurt during my affair. I have NO, zero ZIP interest in hiding, running from, turning away from, my real life responsibilities. I don't drink anymore, over/under-eat to self-sooth, over exercise, stay in bed all day ... or engage in any of the other self-destructive coping mechanism I developed instead of facing reality.

Ending my affair was about giving birth to a new me, and ALL the possibilities that bringing new life into the world holds.

EAS was my midwife, and the posters here my labour support.

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 4:33pm

WOO HOO TU and Dee!

I have thought about indifference and what it means quite a bit and

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3