who is at indifference?
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who is at indifference?
| Sun, 03-27-2011 - 4:54am |
Of all the benchmarks we strive to reach on EAS, Indifference is right at the top, at least in respect to our feelings about the A and xAP -- though, imho, much less of a milestone than the other more important benchmarks of success which relate to our feelings about ourselves and our self-recovery.

((Dee))
Well, you already know that I've been there for several years, but your post
I am at indifference.
I don't waiver anymore ... I don't feel connected to him in any way, shape or form. I have no feelings one way or another.
Indifference was greeted in by acceptance and accountability.
I have seen xAP a few times since the ending because of work-related responsibilities ... and the last few times, I literally felt like I was looking at someone I may have once known, but couldn't quite pinpoint. He was just another person in a crowded room.
It's not that feelings are repressed, some kinda denial ... it is surrendering. Indifference has come from dedicated introspection and vigilant commitment to NC.
Not only have I reached indifference, but I have experienced extreme levels of joy from staying completely present in the hardship of the consequences, working to restore lost relationships, and in doing the steps necessary to re-build trust with those I hurt during my affair. I have NO, zero ZIP interest in hiding, running from, turning away from, my real life responsibilities. I don't drink anymore, over/under-eat to self-sooth, over exercise, stay in bed all day ... or engage in any of the other self-destructive coping mechanism I developed instead of facing reality.
Ending my affair was about giving birth to a new me, and ALL the possibilities that bringing new life into the world holds.
EAS was my midwife, and the posters here my labour support.
TU.
WOO HOO TU and Dee!
I have thought about indifference and what it means quite a bit and