Was tempted, but didn't
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Was tempted, but didn't
| Mon, 03-28-2011 - 8:44am |
Good morning! I had a bit of a rough weekend. Thought a lot about xAP. Not so much about what he was doing, etc, but more about REALLY accepting the facts as they are. I was sad, angry, frustrated. Unfortunately, the more I thought about things, the more the urge came over me to contact him. I fought with myself Saturday NOT to text him. I had a conversation with myself about what it would accomplish (nothing), what he could possibly say that would change things (nothing), how I would feel if he ignored my text (hurt), how would he probably reply, if at all (like an a**), where would I be at the end of it ( back to square one). Well, I decided I wasn't going to do it. It was a rough hour or so, but I did it! I was SO proud of myself. Then, believe it, or not, Sunday I had the same damn conversation with myself...again. ..WTH? I again, talked myself out of it (literally). I guess what I learned was that I am not out of the woods yet. Just when I feel like I have this thing under control, it creeps in and bites me in the a**. I came into work feeling pretty strong this morning. Knowing he is here, but that I had the ability to control my urges this weekend. I CAN do this! I will NOT let him in! I WILL remain LC today! I am determined.....

I'm proud of your, BC. You rode out those emotional waves and survived; a sure sign that you are getting stronger and wiser. The day will come when those thoughts will roll off of your back like drops of water, but until that happens, do what you did this time.
I'm glad you had those talks with yourself. :smileywink:
Bravo!
BC,
You know, it's normal to have the urge to contact xAP when one is at the stage when they are trying to figure everything out.
ATTENTION ALL posters wanted to break LC/NC - learn from this amazing re-thinking that BC employed before acting and doing something to hurt yourself!
REPEAT AFTER BC - IF I HAVE THE URGE TO SELF HARM I ASK MYSELF THE FOLLOWING: