Addiction at its finest...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Addiction at its finest...
8
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 11:37am

This weekend in church we discussed addictions and why we engage in them (not just to drugs and alcohol), addictions to relationships, toxic drama, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 1:01pm
I totally recognize the "real love" and "timing just wasn't right" from six months ago when I had just ended the A before going NC! I don't feel that stuff any more and haven't been close to giving in and trying to make contact again, but still obsessFAR too much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences - it gives me encouragement that I will emerge from this eventually.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 9:38pm

I love the 'Addiction to the 4 A's'. That is EXACTLY my issue.

Iggyx

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 11:16pm

<<"Making a u-turn and asking for directions to a different road">>

What a great turn of phrase Lolly!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 1:24am

Wow Lolly you have really helped me tonight by naming those four A's!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 7:16am
JFrock (saying your name this way makes me want to type JWoww LoL)
I think all of us experienced the real love, and timing issues - Since my xAP was an old first love - I really did fall into that trap of it being "destined love" - lol amazing what 9 months will do for that perspective! You will get through - and the renting headspace to the shouldacouldawouldas - well that is a choice. In order for me to work out some of my issues, I started blogging - kind of like getting my stuff out into the universe so I didn't have to hold it all in side. It's amazing how cathartic it is. Keep writing! Getting it out - helps to develop that callous over the whys and then you can realize without any anger or malice - the who cares?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 7:17am
Iggy-
It's all our issue! BY human nature, motivation is based on the 4A's! (See you are HUMAN and make human mistakes!) The trick is to use the 4A's for ourself, to motivate us and supply ourselves with the hutzpah to do it all ourselves! :) Keep up the work girl!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 7:20am
:) Thanks Katniss, it stems from the four scenarios where you walk down a street and fall in the hole (let me know if you haven't heard it) - and it also comes from an article I read in our church magazine about making real changes toward self improvement and living true.

And thanks - your fighting nice post gave me much food for thought, and actually made it to two of my entries (blog and journal) because you hit that nail RIGHT on the head. I suppose it's part of the 4A's - being nice and wanting to "seem" (ie, be validated) as a good person. (Tho I had to ask what chuffed meant!) Thanks for the inspiration!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 7:23am
Melinda - you say you doubt you would have listened earlier - and you're right. Until we let go of the defensiveness that comes with being fogged, we cannot hear, we are not teachable, we cannot accept what is so painfully obvious to the rest of the world. What keeps me around here is that I am still learning and growing too! Even with my addiction to alcohol (21 years sober on July 13) i was unprepared and poorly equipped with the right tools to beat off the addiction to the 4A's. Addiction is addiction is addiction - and thankfully - this time I was able to dig deeper and find more inside of me. :)
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