Hello everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
Hello everyone
6
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 1:33am

Hello everyone my name is April and this is my first time on a message board so please bear with me. My girlfriend come on here all the time (different topic) and said it has really helped her. I have just been officially diagnosed with BP. They have had me on the meds for about a month though. I told my friend that I feel very alone because no one seems to understand what goes on in my head. People think they understand but really they have no clue. It really upsets me when people say oh I have been depressed before but you will just get over it, its not a big deal, I have been there. Now that I have been on meds I realize what a difference my emotions were to compared to what they are now. Its nice to see that other people do actually understand.

I was wondering how other people deal with this on a regular basis. I have not been back to work for almost 8 weeks. I am terrified about what people will think or if I will still have panic attacks at work. When I left work it was because I could not think if I got to upset. It was like my brain just turned off, I forgot how to read and how to count (I work with peoples paychecks this really wasn't good) it was awful. I felt like a fool or some stupid idiot, but I am really not stupid (Blondie YES, OK very Blondie but book smart). How do you deal with people talking about you and why you miss work and it "appears" that there is nothing wrong with you? The other issue is how do you not let the talking become a trigger or something to dwell on.

How does BP affect your relationships with other people? I have a pretty good support system but they cant support forever. I got married 2 years ago and think I should have gone to the doctor back then, but you couldn't have told me anything was wrong cause I have been in denial for probabally 5 years according to the people around me. I feel bad about my husband, I feel like he didn't sign up for this, why should he be stuck with me.

I tend to hide what I feel and put on a front for whoever I am with but I could not keep pretending anymore. My friends and family slowly saw more and more of the ups and downs as time went on. This went on for some time and eventually lead to a suicide attempt. I just wanted everything to stop hurting so bad. After I got out of the hospital everyone was shocked, because I woke up happy as a clam. I went to an outpatient program for 10 days and people didn't believe that I had just gotten out of the hospital for attempted suicide. People did not see or believe because I would not show them.

The other thing I have been thinking about is having kids. I think BP is passed down from the family, but I'm not sure. I don't want anyone to feel what I feel especially my kids. Is there anything they can do to keep your children from getting BP?

Thanks for any help you can offer
April

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: roller_an
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 1:09pm

April, welcome to the board--I'm glad you found us!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: roller_an
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 2:33pm

Hello April,


I hope this finds you well!

Love,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
In reply to: roller_an
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 3:40pm

Welcome April, We all are glad to have you here. You have found a great, wonderful, helpful and understanding place to be. And the ladies here are good for a lough too. I hope you feel comfortable with us. I came here yrs ago then stoped posting for a long while but I have been back for about 9 months now. I am Dx Bp for 8yrs now. It took alot of time for me to accept it. But once I did I got all the books I could find and read up all about it, while Iwas in therapy. All the books did help me understand it alot more. I found alot of them on amazon.

[url=http://www.forum-signatures.com][img]http://www.forum-signatures.com/wizard/Sigs/2010/final130219095588.jpg[/img][/url]
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: roller_an
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 8:59am

Hi April, welcome! You'll love this place. Its been my life saver. The girls and I here are so close and loving and caring, and we love to meet new friends.
I have some things to tell you, but am in a huge hurry right now. I'll be back.

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
In reply to: roller_an
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 4:43am
Marci-
I think I am using this thing wrong. I just realized that I am sending notes to the wrong people. I would read through the conversation and then post at the end but I realized tonight that it goes to the previous person who posted, is this correct? Also is it customary to write back to other peoples comments on a topic or do you just start a new one? I am not sure I sent you the note about the newcomers welcome thing, but it does not seem to say anything except "bump". Well hopefully I sent this to the right person, and if not I am sorry.
Thanks for your help.
April
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: roller_an
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 11:19am

April,


If you're wanting to add your 2 cents to a thread you can go back to the