Panic/ Anxiety...poss triggs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Panic/ Anxiety...poss triggs
4
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 11:37am

I have had anxiety all week really bad. It is getting worse. Yesterday I had a panic attack and last night I had to take 3 xanax to help me fall asleep because I could hardly breathe. Yesterday I got a letter in the mail that my old tags from 2004 got a violation citation. It is always something. Today I called and I believe I have it all worked out. The department of motor vihicles has in their computer I turned those tags in 2 years ago, therefore there is a mistake.


Everything is getting on my nerves. I don't feel happy with my life. It isn't that bad but inside I feel something big is missing. When I was driving the other day I didn't even want to come home. I wanted to drive to another state and get away for a day or two. Sometimes I wish I could leave forever. I wish I knew what it is that I feel is missing in my life...I do know some of the things, but why is it making me so sad and depressed. People sometimes just have to accept the way things are.


My dd told me yesterday that she was almost in a bad car accident with one of her friends. He was driving recklessly, to say the least, he was doing 90mph and they almost hit someone head on at that speed. I can't lose her. If she died I would kill myself. Period. There would be NOTHING left to live for.


My mind is racing with thoughts all over the place right now. I just got my Lithium refilled yesterday and I started taking it again last night. Hopefully it will help me calm down.


I fear my life will pass me by and I won't have anything to show for my life in the end. Will I always be a failure and fat? I wish I could work full time and be on my own. Not have to depend on anyone for help financially.


I feel like a bird in a cage sometimes. Trapped and wanting to fly but I can't get the door open.


I am rambleing now...and I am sure not making a bit of sense. So I will end this now.


Tina


     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 11:47am

You are making complete sense to me....and you are NOT A FAILURE !!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 11:53am

Hey Tina...

You're right you know. Sometimes we do have to accept SOME things as they are and go on with our lives. But, we don't have to be unhappy, or unfilfilled. I know its not easy. Nothing in this Bipolar world ever is.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

I am back on Topamax and Lithium, as much as I don't want to be. I cannot and WILL NOT allow myself to fall apart again, and its ALMOST to that point. I am now proactive, and yes, admittedly still somewhat reactive...but I'm changing.

Eric was over this weekend, and while I enjoyed it, I LOVE LIVING ALONE! It took 4 months to get to this point, but I truly need to be by myself. Sometimes I get very bored, and lonely, cuz I don't have a lot of money to go anywhere...but I'm okay and I'm learning to like myself. To value myself...to take CARE OF MYSELF! Its very empowering.

He is still there, and I just told him I was taking him home to his house after work! YAY ME! I never ever ever ever ever would have done that. He triggers me. As sad as that is, he is my biggest trigger...he and my son, but my son I'm stuck with. LOL.

Check in and let me know how you are.

I love you my friend and think of you always.

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 3:20am

hi tina-

i am just learning about bipolar/anxiety and panic attacks. i recently broke up with my boyfriend who had all of the above and life's issues. it was really difficult. i tried though. everyone at work never said it was a bad idea to date him, but they did.

well- i loved him for so many reasons. it's been three weeks that we haven't done anything outside of work. it's hard to work with him, but he's done a lot of bad things to me. i'm not really sure if it's him or the bipolar. all in all he needs to take some responsiblity for his actions.

i just could not care anymore; however i still read about this illness and am stunned how many people are out there really coping and trying to stay focused/healthy.

i don't know what to say, but to stay on your meds, talk to people about it when you need to. someone will listen and people do care.

i also realized i need to care more about me than him. he is doing better without me actually. he has pushed himself to find something to live for and to get up in the morning for. i'm really happy for him. although i have moved on/detached myself from him...he is still in my heart and i can't share that with him or anyone. no one understands and he has lied/hurt me so much that it would not matter.

i guess i have to believe he loves me enough to get better on his own.

well- i understand sleepless nights and hard times. hang in there, you are loved and will do amazing things.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2006
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 2:59am

Hello Tina -

You are manic, that's why you want to run and your thoughts are racing. You need to raise your lithium and your antidepressant if you are having negative thoughts, too. You know what, I'm not a doctor. I am a bipolar patient and I've been there. Your thoughts were really racing in your message and that says to me, lithium!! I'm on 2,200mg. If you are having depressed thoughts, then you need a small increase in your antidepressant. Please go to your doc and let them know what's happening. There is no need for us to suffer with this dibilitating disease any longer than necessary.

Lisa