NEVER FELT SO LOW...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2010
NEVER FELT SO LOW...
8
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 3:59pm

I have been having an affair for over 3 years with a neighbor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 4:24pm

Hey Pilates girl-

Welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2010
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 4:33pm
I'm disgusted that my marriage of more than 14 years is ending & I haven't shed a tear for that other than about the fear of money & security loss. But, I can't stop balling my eyes out. The only good thing is that I don't have to lie anymore to my husband who will see I'm upset. I am partially clean. Now, I just need to get the strength to really let go. It sucks because it's not at all what either of us want. It's just the right thing to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 4:33pm

Welcome PG,

Have you been here before? The name sounds familiar.

<<<

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 2:36am
Hi Pilates...I understand your pain. I ended my 2yr A for the same reasons and with loving feelings still between us. My M was/is in serious condition and I did not want to make the decision about my marriage while still consumed by my xap. My H and I are just now making mutual decisions about us and I'm so glad I waited until now (almost 6 months since we ended w/LC and 4 months of NC)to make these very serious decisions. I still miss xap but I am no longer consumed by him or the A. I would strongly encourage you to wait on the decision to end your M until you have been out of the A for a while. It might end up the same but you won't question in the future what might have been. Just a thought from someone who has/is walking in your shoes. I also want you to know the pain does ease and time is an amazing healer of hurt. Hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 4:11am

Hi Pilates:)

I can only reiterate what ILE said. DO NOT make any long term decisions about your M until exAP is in the distant past and you are making those decisions for the right reasons.

Also you may benefit from IC and MC - have you thought about that?

Iggy

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2010
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 8:31am

We have already filed for divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 8:59am
PG,
I can relate to some of your struggle - and like you I have filed for D - I ended both my M and my A at the same time. initially in ending those feelings of longing, and trying to keep some sentiment of friendship will exist. that is just how it is.

Give yourself time - I know you have heard that a lot, but in the 9 months since my world fell to pieces, I have come full circle and realized much about myself. Grieve. Breathe in and out. Grieve some more and find an outlet (blogging, journaling, art, music - something) to allow yourself room to feel and grow. Don't beat yourself over this part of your journey - you have already made HUGE strides in living a true life - even tho your heart may be longing for what you had - you know the importance of being square with life.

Stay and post often, share your struggles, your vents and your accomplishments no matter how small - and in time, you will learn to let go, and forgive. even yourself.

Much love,
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 9:08am

Ending your A is the best thing you can do for you. True love doesn't have to hide in the shadows and it doesn't involve lying and hurting others. If you stayed in the A after your D you will be a single woman pining after a MM which wouldn't be good for you at all. It doesn't sound like he is taking steps to end his M. For whatever reason he is staying M don't allow yourself to enable his bad behavior by cheating on his W and your bad behavior by keeping yourself hidden to protect his world. You two crossed boundaries that should have never been crossed with the risk of your children being thrown in the middle of a three ring circus.

I know you are hurting now and I know that it is going to be hard to go NC but think about the fact that you will no longer have to hide yourself and sneak around like criminals. I know once I ended my A, it felt liberating to not have to be such a liar and cheat. I will never go back to that again. I hope you won't either. Learn how to create strong boundaries with the opposite sex and don't settle for settling for another woman's hand me downs. You are worth more and deserve more than that. You are going to be single and there a millions of men on the planet who are honest, faithful and trustworthy.