i am hurt & my trust shattered

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
i am hurt & my trust shattered
2
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 9:16pm
that pdoc never responded to my email.do you know how much i ADORED this dr.when i began with him?.how i trusted him & looked up to him?now i see how much worth i had.just like all the other dr.s who i thought turned out to be freaks.
maybe they aren't.
maybe its me & its been me all along.
on top of it is the personal after effects of telling mr. stalker to lose my number.
i guess its the realization that he truly manipulated me for 2 years!
& that i let him!
do you know that sometimes when he'd want me to do it over the phone & i'd sit there reading a magazine & make the proper noises just to get rid of him & get off the phone?
why would i DO that????that's nothing.the rest of it i can't bear to think about b/c it was truly awful.& he'd leave & say " i won't call you.i'm being good from now on".
then he'd do whatever he could to get me to drop my life & be available.
AND he asked me to watch his kid on his anniversary.
am i a loser or what?& i'm SO ANGRY at him for thinking the world exists for him & the SAME with the dr!& this is a private pain that i cannot go anyplace with.
the summer was awful.i learned to speak my mind but at what cost?i wonder if this is a different sort of mania...an influx of bitterness.an out of control anger.
as for my mothering.that's a seperate horror show.while trying to be polite to the woman i had attacked at work,i forgot a child left at home.& i left my cell in the car.h tracked me down angry as all get out.
bad mom.bad susan
i hate me & now i'm all alone in it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 11:19pm

You are

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:45am

okay...first off...LET IT GO...the after effects of the feelings you have about telling the stalker dude off...you have no other choice now but to let it go...its going to CONSUME you...

YOU ARE RIGHT! This is a form of mania, and if you don't try to pull it together its going to get you. You cannot let that happen.

So what, that you did those things...so have I. Let it go, Suz...its over and you did it, and just be done with it...forgive yourself...HE IS NOT WORTH ALL THIS.

Okay?

As for the pdocs...that is NOT you. That's them and they don't deserve to be pdocs. But, maybe he was busy, or out of the office. Try again. I called my pdoc yesterday morning, and she didn't call me til 8 last night, and I missed her call. But, I will talk to her today. Keep trying.

Let it go, and move on with your life...Summer is over, and the loser MUST be gone from your life...don't let him manipulate you anymore and problem solved.

It is as easy as that. And I KNOW you can do it. You have done it before.

Do NOT ever say you are bad again. You are NOT BAD. I know that too!

Much love,

Keli