Update and ? about Affairs (poss triggs)
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| Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:42pm |
Just wanted to let everyone know that this is jbettinger, I have switched my username to jchica21.
Just wondering if anyone out there has entered into an affair with another man/woman while in a hypomanic state? I am in the midst of one right now. It started about 2 months ago and even though I have come to the realization that it is wrong, I continue to do it. I crave the excitement that it brings to my life. Tdoc thinks that I am addicted to excitement. Now I'm afraid that not only am I hurting my DH but I will wind up hurting this other man as well because of my actions. I just don't know how to stop it or control it, when I want it so badly. It almost feels like cigaretts. I know they're bad for me but I keep smoking them anyway because I am addicted.
I have a huge issue with needing to feel desired in a sexual way. Have since I was 17 but it seems to keep getting worse. I am a huge flirt, and continue to push the envelope and how I find myself having an affair with a married man!!! He knows about my BP and doesn't really understand what it's all about. Honestly I don't think he even cares. He is worried about hurting/confusing me because he thinks that I may have "issues". Well don't we all - LOL. It just feels like a normal part of my life now that I want to continue with but I know that DH would be totally crushed if he ever found out and I couldn't bear to see him in pain like that. I am a caring person in that way, but feel very selfish when I am hypomanic, and everything has to be about me. If things aren't quite exciting enough at the time or place, I'm on to the next thing. I can't stand sitting through long boring conversations people are talking about and I'm busy thinking about 20 different things I could be doing at that very moment. I have actually found myself walking away from people talking at work because I just can't stand to sit there and let them waste my time anymore. Ugh, I am not that person, but when I'm hypomanic I definitely am. I don't like it. Mood swings are really bad since starting the Lamictal a week ago. Pdoc says that I shouldn't even be noticing anything yet. Maybe it's because AF is in town this week too. I always seem to get 50 times worse and cycle much faster that time of the month. OK I'm starting to ramble a bit, Don't really even know where this was going, except that I guess I'm just wondering what are some of the crazy/stupid things you've done while hypomanic and how did you cope with them.
J

"Just wondering if anyone out there has entered into an affair with another man/woman while in a hypomanic state?"
I don't have any advice or even an ancedote of experience concerning affairs -- just fantasies of such.
"I'm just wondering what are some of the crazy/stupid things you've done while hypomanic and how did you cope with them."
I was not naturally a teen to rebel or cause trouble (in fact my normal personality is sort of on the shy side); however looking back I can spot the hypomanic periods. Once I passively and randomly stalked a guy that I had a crush on (don't know if he was aware I followed him or not). Then when he was at work, I put $20 in an envelope and placed it under his windshield wiper (I can't remember if I even put my name on the envelope or not). Another time I propositioned a guy (who had called concerning an classified ad my dad had left in the paper--pretty sure the guy was an adult) over the phone for sex. When it came down to the actual arrangement, I ended up setting up a time at which I'd be gone to summer camp. And one other time I ran off with an older friend out of town on a drinking binge. I don't think my parents ever knew about any of these episodes as I was away from home most of each day. I guess if they knew what to look for, they might have been tipped off by my sleep habits.
Between those wild times and the major depressive episode at 15, it's a wonder I made it through my teen years at all. I didn't cope, I let it take me soaring.
As an adult, when I deal with hypomanias (haven't had a true manic episode to date) I don't feel as invincible as when I was a teen, although I still have my moments. Things I've tried is distracting myself from the impulses or compromising with something a little less risky.
omg...btdt, btdt, btdt...many many times...since i was 17 too...weird. i'm 35 now, and separated from my dh...not because of MY affair, but because of his...ironic as heck, doncha think???
but yes, i totally totally totally know EVERYTHING you just wrote...everything...i too was addicted to excitement, and flirting, and men...not necessarily sex though...not always.
i dunno, hon...welcome to being BP.
i wish i could be more helpful, but all i can do is tell you i am just like that too.
HUGS! :)
Keli
I did have an affair but I don't know if I can claim I was manic at the time. I don't remember ever being *really* manic until relatively recently. I look back and know that I was at times but I thought I was perfectly normal so its hard to point at specific instances. Does that make sense? Now I know it and I can put my finger on it. I used to think everyone was "that way." Anyhow, I also know what its like to be on the other end of the affair. 2nd dh cheated on me. It really sucked. He wouldn't give her up so I divorced him. I know I was manic when I met my current dh but he was new enough I didn't cheat. In retrospect I think it would have been possible if things were more comfortable and we'd known each other longer. Thank goodness my medicine has made things better. I'm on Lamictal also. Speaking as one who knows - affairs are not good things - but I do understand how you feel.
Morgaine