Not well...but trying!
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| Thu, 08-24-2006 - 8:46am |
Okay...I'm still in a great deal of pain...I need to catch a break here, big time, guys...I had to stay home yesterday, because I just couldn't move...my back was hurting terribly, still is...now its in my legs too...what is wrong with me???? I hate this so much...but, I'm not a complainer, or at least I try not to be...but all I really want to do is scream at someone.
Then, of all things, my bad tooth (a wisdom tooth that came in late, and only half way and then broke about 3-4 months ago) decided to start hurting too...like exposed nerve hurting...i have dental insurance, and an appt for a regular visit in JANUARY. I can't afford an emergency appt right now.
I'm really upset about losing my pdoc, the more I think about it.
I'm lonely and bored. Hate my life, in so many ways...and ONLY I can change it, but I don't have the energy to do a dang thing about it...
My son is way manic right now...I am really freaking out about it...he's always been hyper, from ADHD. But this is true mania...Cycling like crazy too...even got suicidal after a particularly bad manic rage when he triggered ME into a bad rage and we got in a big fight...he actually cried and HE NEVER EVER EVER cries.
He doesn't want meds. I don't blame him. But, even he readily admits his BP is worse now...its been about 3 good weeks now. He still thinks he can control it. He had major grandiose ideas about himself and life in general. He thinks he is invincible. I hate it, because I know exactly what he is going through. He is exactly like me. He also blames me, but I KNOW its not my fault. I tell him its not my fault, but he says I passed it to him. I say, well, someone in our family passed it to me!
I know what he is facing in the future. I want to stop it, and I am powerless. Its a horrible feeling. I am going to have to force him into treatment and I don't know if I can do it.
I am still cigg free...day 4 or 5, can't remember right now...Topamax is kicking my butt! Gave in on caffeine, but so what! I want a cigg so badly, but I'm going to try so hard not to.
I'm just not doing well, though I'm trying very hard. Its so frustrating when no matter how hard I try life just doesn't give me a break.
:(

Hey babe,
Do you think your medical doc is helping you at all? Maybe you need to find a new one. You shouldn't have to suffer in all this pain with no meds or anything to help.
It's so messed up you losing your pdoc. BTDT with pdocs and tdocs and when you find one you like and they go, it is so hard emotionally.
I know what you mean about being lonely. I have people around me but feel so lonely a lot of times. I read the thread about having affairs. That hit some spots with me. I too, when I was 13 started to feel
~ Tina ~
Keli I agree with Tina on everything. Congrats on the no smoking! All you have to fight now is the psychological cravings and you'll be home free. But I will warn you those are not as easy as they seem. I wound up buying a pack of cigarettes day before yesterday. I plan on starting my quit over as soon as the pack is gone though. I figure each time I quit is getting longer and this last one was the longest one I've had so far (13 days).