Okay...no trigs
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| Mon, 08-28-2006 - 8:41am |
While I'm not as wonderful as I'd like to be, I feel better this morning, so far. My most wonderful friend in the world, Beth, talked to me last night, and helped me through a really rough time...she put some things into perspective for me. Now...here's what I did.
I started taking my Lithium again last night...that was the biggest trigger. I'd had to stop taking it for the last 5 days, because I'd had to take so much Ibuprofen, because of my pain level, and a tooth that has an exposed nerve (yes, very ouch) and needs to come out...the dentist appt isn't until 9/22. If the pain gets too bad, I'm calling and demanding a real emergency appt. I can "channel" my mania that way, lol.
You all are right about my pdoc. Its affecting me horribly that I am losing her. I am supposed to be so strong and never weak. But in this, I am not. I cringe and freak out every time I think about it. I do have to call her this morning about my meds...I need to get refills on all of them. And, I need to ask about how much Topa she wants me on. I'm only on 100 now, but I was on 300 before, and I need it way increased to help control the rapid cycling. The combo of Li and Topa work so well for that. I don't want to go to the last appt with her, because its going to be God awful for me. But I will. I have to make a decision about my new pdoc too. I think I'm going with the new lady, and not the old dude I saw before. Some fresh blood, so to speak. I didn't want to admit how much I love her and depend on her...just knowing she is RIGHT THERE and that I can call her. I guess that would be admitting I am sick, and I don't like to do that either.
This was (is??) a very very very bad episode and any other time, i would have been i/p. But, I knew what to do to get it under control. If it had gotten any worse though, I would have taken myself to the ER. I was very suicidal...but I was cycling so fast that I would come out of it, then crash back down to it, in about 15 minutes...awful.
I have also been out of my Ativan for a week. I think that's put everything out of whack too. Then money has been a HUGE issue this month. I knew it was going to be a bad month. But its been a BAAAAAAD month. I get paid this Thursday and I can't wait.
So, between all of the above, plus my back going out, my other pain which hasn't let up for the entire month, literally, I just broke. I'm not a bad person, because of it...just a bipolar person.
Oh, that's another decision...I am SOOOOO calling my GP nurse too...they are GOING to give me an RX for pain meds...since I can't take IBU and LI together, they WILL give me some Darvocet at least...I will NOT live every day of my life in severe pain.
I'm sorry to have worried you guys...but I needed to get that stuff out...I know I need to get back in Therapy...and once September is over, I'll have a bit more money and can afford it then...thankfully. I didn't realize that a lot of this stuff still bothered me so deeply...
Love to you all,
Keli

Keli,
I didn't get a chance to reply to your other post...sorry! But...I am so happy to hear how much better you are doing today!!! :) Being newly diagnosed with Bipolar, I'm not good at giving advice, but I do want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Renee
I'm so glad you had someone to get you thru this and that you had the knowledge on what to do so you didn't have to go i/p.
I didn't realize how much my mom was hurting until this weekend (she has RA)....and it hit me.
God could not be everywhere, so
(((((((((((((((Keli)))))))))))))) glad to hear you're feeling better today. You know how we worry about you here. I'm glad you're calling your pdoc. Keep us posted on how you are doing. And while I"m really not one to talk, keep taking those meds! I'm back on mine too, all except the lithium because I started having the toxicity problems with it again. I'm trying to stay away from the ativan and the klonopin though. I have an idea once school starts up and I'm back on the bus that may change. As much as I like my job it is very stressful. At any rate, meds are important and one of these days we'll get that through our heads. lol!
Hang in there hon! Keep us posted:)
Love You,
Traci
I can't even remember if I responded to any of your earlier posts, but I was following and I'm glad things are looking up for you. I think you should definitely stick with the meds. That must be one of the hardest parts about being bp is knowing you have to rely on the meds. But the fact that you could keep going without them for so long is honestly a miracle to me. And since I know you could do that I know you won't ever give up! I hope therapy helps you out come september... only a few more days.
Hang in there,
Meg