Why I hate going to the pdoc...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Why I hate going to the pdoc...
8
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 1:00pm

I AM GOING INSANE!

Ok so every friday I take this little trip to the pdoc and it appears to be nothing but a weekly remindere that I'm mentally unstable and an up on the dose of my medicine that isn't working. So now I go from 800 mg to 1200 mg of tegretol. Should be fantastic. 400 mg after that and it's time for game plan number 10000. I asked him what his next plan was and he said to stay in the moment. HAH. Like that will do any good. Let's plan for the future.

Last night I spent 30 minutes with 80s music blaring and dancing like no one sane would ever even consider. I don't think my mom new what to do. Then I had her in the corner whispering about how my dad was in the CIA. I was totally convinced.And I mean I had a lot of reasons. Now if I'm still like this on 800 mg tegretol what makes him think it's going to get better on 1200? Or even worse 1600... can't wait to get there.

Oh but then I'm an idiot and forgot to tell him that I thought my dad was in the CIA and when I saw little red dots on the back of a woman's white shirt this morning I immediately thought of blood and crime and death and flesh.

WHAT is wrong with me? When I see speakers I think "they're listening"... I kind of know it's not true but at the same time I feel.... off. really off. And this weekly appt. is doing no good.

Plus I had to go get a CBC because my throat hurt and he didn't want me to get aplastic anemia. Well, here's one bit of good news- CBC is normal. But then, I must have imagined my terrible sore throat.

Ohhh pdocs. They make me feel worse about myself. Maybe that's why I hate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 5:03pm

You're fine, it's just your chemicals that are giving you a hard time.

I'm no doc, but ask your doctor if resprodol might help.

I'm the 3rd bp in the family. My mom used to think that the T.V. was giving her messages, that God was speaking to her, and that she knew the secret military plans - the resprodol (spelling I'm not sure of) really helped her out.

Best of luck to you and always know you're not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 11:00pm

((((((((Meg))))))) you need to tell pdoc that your paranoia is getting out of control and that something has to be done about it. There are several anti-psychotic meds that he can try. I take zyprexa, but there are others out there. But make your pdoc hear you. That's why you are paying him.


Keep us posted on how you're doing.


Hugs,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 3:47am

(((Meg)))) your post has alot of what goes on in my little mind and I just want to give you a ((hug)) and tell you that I also take Zyprexa(like foggy) 7.5mg or when I forget at dinnertime to take it I cut it in half or else I was too sleepy all day and I have 2 young ones at home.

You had a lot of courage to post this, I hope I can learn from your example

tell your doc everything that helps them give you right meds

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 2:30pm

Hi everyone, thanks for responding!

The thing is, I HATE the antipsychotics. They make me feel sick as a dog. I had to take 2.5 mg of abilify (the one the works best in my system) and just that little bit, I felt awful. Like I was on a boat with major seasickness and I had the flu and all I could do was lay in bed all night. Now why did I have to take some abilify (I know you want to know, haha)

Last night was awful!! I exercised (which is supposed to stablize you, right? well for me it always makes me depressed) then took a shower. Then started to get into rage mode. I wanted to break everything and cut off my clothes because they don't fit as well pre-all these drugs I've taken. I wanted to take out lipstick and write how much I hate life all over the mirror. Then smudge it all over the place and break it. Then I just start sobbing and sobbing and I'm curled up in bed. (Luckily my mom is with me all this time) and all I can say is don't make me kill myself don't make me kill myself over and over and then sob about how no one ever does anything to help me. Well finally my mom calls the ER and talks to some psych resident who didn't even ask if I was suicidal, he just said to give me some abilify. So we did that and about an hour after I just felt so sick all I could do was sleep. Moral of the story: Don't exercise! No really though, I don't know what happened. I was ready to kill everything in sight. I always get these flesh pictures. It's very morbid. Oh, and then after I took the abilify and I was literaly cracking up while sobbing. It was "I'm going to kill you AHAHAHAHA" crycrycry. It was terrible. What do you all do in times like these?

Ok well I've said enough. I hope you all are having a good Sunday!

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 12:44pm

Meg...Tegretol isn't going to help with the "paranoia" or thoughts you're having...you need an antipsychotic for that. Are you taking one? You need to either print this post out, or start a list, of things you need to remember to talk to pdoc about.

You need a combination of meds to work...like, a stabilizer, an a/p, an a/d (maybe), and sometimes an anti-anxiety med.

Usually, just one med, even at a high dose will not help. Believe me, I've btdt and ended up i/p...so, talk to pdoc and be honest about those paranoid thoughts...k?

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 12:49pm
Meg, hey again...have u tried Risperdal??? I'm starting back on it tonight...cuz my rages and "thoughts" were getting bad again. its a good med...just wanted to throw that out there...its not as sedating as seroquel...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 2:34pm

Hi Keli!!

dang did risperdal make me sick as or sicker than abilify. wait did i talk about abilify? I think i mentiooned how sick it makes me maybe on like the 4th or 5th post. i'm thinking maybe geodon? I dont know this whole thing is a mess and i don't knowo how much confidence i have in my pdoc! seriosuly. i need NEED this to be under control. well don't we all.

oh well i should be lovingn life like a life lover should. whatever that means

have a fantastic fantastic day keli!

meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 5:13pm

Meg, you, imho, should try Geodon. I've taken it for five years and only once did I have any sedation from it, just after one of the times they changed my dosage. And, I never had any other side effects. The best thing about it? I believe it is the only antipsychotic not to cause weight gain!

And also imho, if you don't trust your pdoc, get another one! I believe good pdocs are uncommon enough for it to be worth shopping around for them until you find one.

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"