Ton of bricks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2011
Ton of bricks
8
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 4:25pm

My 4 year A ended last weekend. I spent the

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: bfn2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 4:53pm
It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. You have experienced a sudden loss and that calls for grieving. We all understand this. It's only been a week, honey, so ride out those painful emotions the best way you can. I understand the emotional energy of 4 years because mine was 4.5 years, and I still see him every day. I am no longer emotionally involved, but it took a long time before I got there.

No one is going to yell at you. We've all BTDT and have the scars to prove it.

(((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
In reply to: bfn2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 4:58pm

I am so sorry that you are hurting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
In reply to: bfn2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 7:10pm

Hi- My A lasted over 7 years, so I understand how hard it is to let go and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
In reply to: bfn2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 7:43pm
Dear Better Future Now,

Honey it wasn't YOU that he didn't want, it was the A that he didn't want. YOU are a good and caring person.who gave him a ton of emotional energy. The A was deceiptful and duplicitous and draining - as all A's are. The fact that he ended it says nothing bad about you as a person. It's just the painful reality that all affairs end. Badly.

I know you feel as though you loved him, but he was never really yours and there was no possible happy ending - only heartache and devastation all round. As you say, ending "is the right thing to do" and one day you will be glad that it's over. I promise.

In the meantime, NC is the tool that will get you through. It's your armour. It's your shield. It's your safe haven for healing. Block and walk BFN. It's the only way.

Sending you big hugs and lots of courage,

Kat



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: bfn2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 8:21pm

In addition to echoing all the great support and advice you've received so far, I want to add kudos for being 100% honest with yourself and us about how you're feeling re: the ending and that you didn't want it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
In reply to: bfn2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 10:01pm

Hello BFN

Welcome to EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
In reply to: bfn2011
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 10:09pm
Welcome to the board (:

When I crawled to this board almost a year and a half ago now, I wasn't "ready" for the affair to be over, I just KNEW that it needed to be. That was the only real requirement - the ABSOLUTE DESIRE to learn to live my life affair free - and that would only be accomplished by going completely NC. That way I wouldn't wonder why he wasn't emailing/texting etc ... It wasn't a perfect ending. I tried a few times and failed but learned a tonne. Once I found EAS I couldn't unlearn the insights I had gained. Each time I broke NC by responding to his fishing, in the back of my brain I was planning my exit. I never went back in as far, or for as long ... within a few months of attempts and re-committing to NC, I had finally found my stride. The days became weeks became months.

I am sorry that you spent 4 years of your life investing in a fantasy. That isn't an easy realization - that you've wasted so much time. So get busy - read everything you can, post as often as you need to - and don't waste one more moment on an empty dream built on lies and deceit.

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
In reply to: bfn2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 8:20am

Hi BFN

Another welcome :)))

I can only reiterate what the girls here have said. It is TOUGH. Its SH#T actually. One of the hardest things I have been through.

The uber-fantasy part of the A

You are what you consistently do