He didn't just fish...he went diving

Avatar for blueclouds1627
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
He didn't just fish...he went diving
9
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 8:43pm

okay...dont be angry...please. Im feeling very down right now. xAP contacted me (yes, I said contacted me) a little bit ago and asked me to meet him tonight. I totally freaked out. I cried, and cried. It was everything I would have wanted to hear a couple of months ago. At the same time, it was the worst thing I could have heard right now. I'm only 3 weeks LC. I struggle everyday seeing him at work. I despise everything about him...so why was I even tempted? I ended up not replying to him at all.

I reached out to another EAS'r thru email. She gave me the words I needed to hear. What would come of it? All he wants is an ego stroke, think of your DH out working his a** off for your family, don't re enter the hell of an A,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 9:47pm

Hello BlueClouds

No one will be angry with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 8:11am
Dear BC,

Woman give yourself a hug - a huge warm hug. YOU showed very much strength & courage in NOT going to meet him after only 3 weeks LC. I know you know the drill to ask yourself why you broke LC ... but having been in a LC situation with my xAP for 6 months (until I left the contract because of his actions) ...I KNOW THE HARDSHIP that comes from being exposed to them day in and day out. It is a special kinda pain - sorta like a Dday; unless you have experienced LC, you really have NO IDEA how awful it really is.

YOU are a strong woman. Keep facing forward and you really won't believe what you will feel in another 3 weeks, and then another 3 weeks. Don't wobble and give up on the hard work you have put in. You have learned how TERRIBLE it feels to engage in affair behaviour with JAM, so let this pain be the reminder that nothing good comes from contact.

Please be gentle with yourself and spend the weekend rebuilding your resolve. Your fellow EASer gave you a wonderful list of reminders/questions to run through your mind every time you feel tempted to self-harm with contact.

Sending love your way,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 8:57am
Blueclouds,

You're doing just great honey. Doesn't matter how many times we hear it here, sometimes we just have to learn for ourselves how important NC / LC is. It was around the three week mark that my xAP asked to see me too, and without EAS I would have caved on the spot. What he didn't know is that now I have the strength of 100 women behind me, and so do you.

You're going to walk in on Monday morning with your head high, knowing that you acted with dignity and self-respect. (And I trust you've blocked his ability to contact you that way again.)

Silence is dignified. Silence is heard.

Sending lots of hugs and courage your way.

Kat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 11:02am
Dear blueclouds

I am new here just 2 weeks LC as I also work with my xAP. I just wanted to say how fabulous you are for resisting - I hope I will be able to should it happen.

I am struggling at work too - easily distracted and often have to go off to 'breathe' through the hurt. You will get through and you will be strong on monday. I will too and will think of us both holding our heads high.

LC is so very hard ... weekends feel like such a sanctuary.

theyellowone

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 10:24pm

Blueclouds,

I have nothing but praise for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 11:40pm

Blueclouds

Way to go!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 9:11am

I hope you realize how much strength you have to not fall for his fishing. Every time he asks you to betray your DH and his W, he is disrespecting you and expecting you to hide his little secret and stroke his ego (and other parts). You are worth so much more than playing second to another woman and your DH deserves an honest, faithful woman. Start looking at him coming on to you as an insult because what he is really saying when he asks you to meet him is I want to keep you hidden from my real life and use you for feel goods and don't tell anyone. Take back you dignity. It is not flattering for a MM to come on to you or a single man to ask you to cheat on your DH.

I had to change my own way of thinking. I was so narcisistic in my A because he was single and my thinking was so messed up. An A does things to our minds and makes us act in foolish ways just to get our fix. You are an honest woman who loves herself and you don't have to hide out in some "back alley/hotel/truck" or whatever feeding some man's ego.

Avatar for blueclouds1627
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 9:20am
Good Morning everyone. I'm back at work today with new resolve! Thanks to all of you for your kind words of encouragement. I realized over the weekend that I really didn't have any other choice, than to stay committed to my H, my kids, and my personal journey. I also realized that I am stronger than I gave myself credit for. XAP , is after all, JAM. I cannot let him or anything else he may do or say, affect me that way again. It's over...he's over. Kat...I love the comment you made about having 100 strong women ( and men) behind me! That's what I'm going to remember anytime I'm feeling weak or overwhelmed. I know I can rely on all of you for support and strength! I will do this! I came into work with my head high and my integrity intact.. And xAP isn't here today, so it's going to be an amazing day!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 12:04pm

Blue!!!

Attagirl!!!!!