xAP's birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
xAP's birthday
18
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 9:18am
It's the stroke of midnight here, which means xAP is another year older. First time in seven years I won't be sending a special "five favourite things about you" birthday message. I guess he'll be spending the day with his W and kids, right where he should be.

I baked a cake tonight, for friends, and then sat on my kitchen floor and cried for what xAP and I once thought we had. Thankfully I know that I only have to face the rawness of these anniversary events once. Next year, each of these days will simply be a chance to celebrate a year of being free.

So, wherever you are xAP, happy birthday. I hope you "find" the happiness that's already all around you.

Kat.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 9:27am

Kat,

Oh, brother. I feel for you. I remember that first B-day anni out and it was tough. Ironically, my Xmm has a BIG one next week. Damn those Aries men. I've always migrated toward them. Arrgg!!

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 9:50am
I feel for you. My xap's b'day was just over a month ago, and mine is this month. It took me everything not to email her. Now I feel I'll be relieved if I don't hear from her because it will be one more thing to put it to rest. Because I fear that if I do hear from her, I will probably be "nice" and reply saying thanks. And one thing can lead to another. And if I don't reply we'll both feel bad. So you did absolutely the right thing. And I too am sure it will be easier as these "anniversaries" come and go and we don't act on them but refocus our attention to the things that really matter in our lives. Family, friends, job, interests etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 10:05am
Iddy - thanks for your understanding. I know what you mean about Aries men!

Japru - you did great not contacting her on her birthday, but with yours coming up why don't you just block her email address so that you don't have to torture yourself with the will she/won't she game?? Is there something I'm missing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 10:19am
It's that whole thing of being "nice" vs "good" didn't you bring that up? Once when we had a split I closed my email account and she was furious. So I can't bring myself to do it to her again. At this point, I am just not contacting her at all and she is respecting it by not contacting me. Perhaps the fact that we are both able to (ie no blocking) and yet don't is making each of us stronger, because we have constantly exercised willpower even though the lines are open. I know people will disagree, but not wanting to do something is stronger than not being able to do something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 10:20am
Hey! I'm an Aries man. But I don't believe in astrology either ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 11:18am
Thinking of you Kat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 11:19am
That last sentence is very true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 6:46pm
Wow. It is incredible to be reading this. I am new here but have been lurking for a little while. I have not yet totally established nc but I know I should. His birthday is in 2 weeks on the same day as easther this year and I'm already dreading it because I know he won't be able to talk to me
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 7:20pm
Hi DS, Now that the sun is up, and my tears have dried, I'm feeling much better. To my surprise, today actually feels easier than being hidden in the shadows whenever AP has a birthday or other significant event. He made his choice about who he wanted by his side at those times, and it sure wasn't me.

Read as much as you can in our healing library, and when you're ready to go NC and start healing, we would love to hear your story and offer you our support :)

Wishing you strength and serenity

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 7:46pm

kat

glad to hear u are better!

my ex POOPs b-day was the last time i ever saw him (as his OW) so I celebrated my one year NC anniversary and his Bday all on one day..........it was kind of like experiencing a mix of heaven and hell if you can understand that

the following day after the one year anniversary i felt a complte release from all the pain of the first year

it was really marked and sudden

so don't despair casue feelings pass!

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