I feel like this is all my own fault

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
I feel like this is all my own fault
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 4:32am

Not initially my own fault, but the medications... I've been complaining too much that they aren't working. I mean it seems like tegretol has been the first one that my system has even tolerated but maybe I just need to shut up and give it awhile. And I was upset today that I've started having mixed episodes and a lot of anger at 1200 mg tegretol and my pdoc didn't even seem to care, but I mean who am I to complain? His only job is to write the script and make me "normal".

And I'm beginning to wonder if that's even possible because it's really me with all the problems. Not my brain. I don't like being around people, I don't see any use for myself, I just don't enjoy life. What if I'm using the lack of response to medication as a way to cover up my own inadequacies? I just feel so ridiculous and worthless. I think I'll just say the tegretol is fine and everything is fine from now on and start trying to work on how to make myself better by myself. Because I think that's really the problem. I just need to get a hold of myself and stop blaming it on a stupid disease!!

Ok done complaining. I should really be in bed. Another way I'm a failure. Sleep/wake schedule hah. Yea. Right.