Can this be the end? Day 2 of NC - MM really needs your help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Can this be the end? Day 2 of NC - MM really needs your help
29
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 2:35pm

Hi everyone and after spending quite a few weeks reading both MAS, EAS and touching on a few topics in the Healing area I've decided to introduce myself, especially as it's now such a painful time.

I've been in an A since

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Welcome newmanuk - I am new here too and I know you will get some strength from all the wise people here as I am. I feel your pain and urge you to explore this site to get strength and stay with the no contact.

Am having a low evening also and resisting urge to reach out to xAP. We can do this and will be thinking of you

Theyellowone

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

NMUK,

I'd like

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Newman, I remember that horrible feeling of just wanting to curl up and my heart goes out to you. You are not alone in this anymore. We have all been where you are now, and we're here to offer you whatever support, advice, tough love, and encouragement you need to get through this.

It takes time and a lot of hard work, but you can heal from this A and live an open, honest, respectful, happy, healthy life again. I know you can. It's time to."switch back on to the outside world" and to be the father your son deserves. Welcome to EAS.

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Hello...
Welcome. Does not matter if you are MM or MW or OW around here. We treat all the same. You are going thru a tough time, the pain in your post jumps off the screen.
I think you did an amazing thing. I think you did what is best for both you and her. If you ever cared for her and your well being, its best that you let her go. You will feel this pain for some time. I am sorry to say. We like having men around, we need the male point of view. We are very different board than MAS. WE in NO WAY support A's or the way one thinks when one is in one. WE will support you, give you tools to fight thru urges to contact, we can share years of wisdom and insights from all those that came here before us.
This is going to be a lot of work, probably one of the most difficult thing you will ever do. But worth it, you want off the ride, well you got off. Now stay off. Being off while painful at first, will bring your mental health back...you will think clearly and without anxiety every day.
Leave her be, she is letting you go, let her, if she is M, then she can work on her M just like you can once she flushes your out of her system, if she is single, you have allowed her to find someone she can really call her own.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010

Hello NewmanUk

I am glad that you have found EAS.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010

Welcome NewMan to this group, and to the journey in front of you. It’s not an easy one. It is a tough fight. It is the fight for your life. Get real and get honest with yourself. Don’t try to fool yourself.

I have found that affairs are not gender specific. They affect us all differently and as such we handle them differently. I believe that the hurt that we feel has a direct relationship to how much feeling we had for our AP’s.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

Newman

So many beautiful words have already been said here by the other posters, I have little to add.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010

Hi NM

Welcome!!!! I havent got a lot of time just at the moment but I will reiterate the welcomes you have received so far.

I think we can all relate to your pain- its horrendous! The pain is harder I think because of the NC element, but it is so necessary! Trust me.

The biggest tip I have is that the A was 95% about you! It wasnt that she was so great, so lovely, so perfect! It was because you were looking to make her that way! You created the connection, created her 'perfectness', created a 'perfect you' to be with her, and your mind would look for examples of your joint perfectness for each other- KWIM?

So this is about you! Why did you enter an A, why did you look to escape? What do YOU want in your life? etc.

Anyway this is where you need to be! You can talk about every feeling and you will get nearly 24/7 support from people that are in the same situation.

Big hug x

Iggy

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Welcome to the board. As with most resources this board will help you as much or as little as you let it. Thanks for sharing your story!

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