Sundays...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Sundays...
18
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 1:58pm
How is everyone feeling today? I'm feeling not bad but that is because it's the weekend and I've had 4 days without seeing exAP (we work together). Weekends are good for that reason but can be hard because of not being so busy with work I have more time to dwell and obsess. Trying to mentally prepare for my week.

Yellowone, how are you today??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 4:47pm
Hey tuff

Started off a bit blue and feeling urge to hear from xap as would usually check in on a Sunday. Worked through it and feeling more focused now. But i am very up and down wuth it all and tbh still feeling emotional but not teary which i guess is still progress? Gearing up for work too - maybe will get through without any difficult moments but probably unlikely.
Will be thinking of you - glad your day better. Will
check in here also.

Hang in there.

theyellowone

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 10:32pm

Well my day started off okay but it seems like all I want to do right now (the evening) is text exAP... his anger still stands out in my mind and that keeps me from actually contacting him, that and the fact that this is the way it needs to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 11:02pm
TtbT,

Please let us know how tomorrow goes, okay?

Also, how DO you prepare yourself for the week?

What are the things you tell yourself, remind yourself of, do to keep yourself focused on sticking to LC?

Write it out for us and see what we can add.

With care,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 11:24pm

TTBT

I feel your pain and I know the week is going to be tough ahead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 11:25pm
TU,

I know his work schedule so fortunately I only work 3-4 days a week with him. When he's working I;
- try to leave for a bit, go for a drive
- arrange work meetings in advance on days when he's there
- he usually avoids me, that is hard too because we used to socialize at work
- I pray I don't have to work a case with him, it's rare
thankfully.
- re-read EAS board



Not much else I can do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 11:30pm

Great work!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 11:38pm
I saw this on another post so please indulge me doing it again. I plan to keep reviewing this as these are the reasons I ended it:
- he had a previous affair
- he was flirting with my friend at my birthday party (a diversionary tactic he said, though he was drunk)
-he never liked to make plans, said his plans were always changing
- not responding to some texts till days later but getting angry if I didnt respond right away
- hit me once, lightly in a fun way... Not fun!
- the gross places we went to do it
- his selfishness
- calling my cell in the middle of the night drunk
- his bravado, perfect wife & perfect life according to him
- my favorite: his no talking after sex rule.
-putting down my job as less important than his
-never acknowledging my feelings when I was honest (now I'm crying) this was the beginning of the end, my honesty. We never got back in track after that.
- finally, your unrealistic request for downtime with no explanation just an expectation I'd be there whenever he wanted...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 12:15am
Thanks Melinda. Makes me want to go to Aruba since you mentioned it twice, sounds like heaven :) LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 4:13am
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 4:23am
Oops, I think I just deleted my message before posting it.

Tuff why is everything on your list about him? What about you? If he made plans and took you to five star hotels and talked after sex would you have him back?

What about:
The look in your H's eyes if he knew everything you had done?
The lessons you are role modelling for your children about respect and relationships?
The impact on your professional life if a colleague walked in on you?
The shame of seeking treatment for an STI? (during my A my H was hospitalized with suspected complications of chlamydia. Turned out it wasn't but it was a hell of a wake up call about where I might have been headed)
The regrets you would feel if you lost another six weeks, six months, six years of your life to the A fog and then had to go through the pain of another ending?

I'm sure you can think of more to add to your list.

You will get through this Tuff and the hardest days are almost behind you.

Big hugs

Kat

PS Aruba does sound great doesn't it :)

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