Bipolar identity
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| Mon, 09-11-2006 - 12:21pm |
Why does my bipolar friend spend more than $6,000 annually for meds/therapy and still has difficulty maintaining relationships with friends, family and significant others and cannot hold a job? He is truly miserable and worse off than when first diagnosed 20 yrs ago. He goes to the best therapists in this large metropolitan city and has access to the latest meds, takes them RELIGIOUSLY, adjusts them as needed under advice of doctors.
Sorry for my naivete I don't mean to offend anyone, but as a former anorectic I'm thinking the bipolar, as with anorexia, just becomes such a part of your identity that you in some senses choose not to let go of the behavior. It's easy just throw up your hands and blame your diagnosis for everything, and you get a lot of sympathy and attention for doing it. Also, he talks about bipolar/himself/his problems constantly and reads about it tirelessly; it's like he is obsessed with it but never takes action. I feel I've been there, in some capacity, and wonder if anyone has any insights.
Shouldn't the meds be alleviating his misery to some small extent? Ever?

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This is just my own feeling about both the porn addiction and memory loss: that the most recent images/thoughts are the ones that prevail. He can't recall things that happened several weeks ago sometimes, which really disturbs him. He blames it all on meds.
So it really behooves him to surround himself with positive images and thoughts and people, but ironically he thinks very negatively, looks at porn and pines after people who won't give him the time of day or who treat him badly. He can't respect people who treat him well, he says (including me, I suppose), and he's constantly talking down his real friends behind their backs (including me, I suppose!), and avoids them unless they let him talk about himself and his problems (which I do).
So doesn't sound like his meds are doing him any good. Maybe they used to help but now it seems they are making things worse...
Had to pop in with some suggestions as to low cost therapy--which can be really key to functioning "normally" when you have BP:
Check with your state or county mental health derpartment--there are community mental health centers that provide both individual and group therapy on a sliding scale and maybe even free, depending on his financial circumstances
Check www.dbsalliance.org to see if there is a peer led group in his area
Check www.nami.org to see if they have any client support groups; but you might also want to check out one of their friends/family support groups yourself--they can be very helpful in understanding his illness and how it affects those around him and how the responses of those around him affect him
One of the cruelest things BP can do to us, is to allow us to seemingly, purposely, self-distruct--don't be fooled into believing we
Thanks so much for the list of services. I know our city has tons of social services but I just didn't know where to begin. These websites are all very helpful and I'm definitely going to contact our city's dept of mental health about individual counselling. There's no way he will go to group counselling but I bet given the opportunity to go to a private session on a sliding scale he might go -- he loves to talk.
Right now he's out of the country for an indefinite period of time, but when he gets back I will suggest something if it seems appropriate. Maybe things will be better and he will then surely not be interested unless things get bad again! I guess I'll play it by ear.
If there is a DBSA group in your area, would he go if you accompanied him to the next meeting?
Hi Miss Juju,
All I can say is Ya...what Marci said...She about covered it all.
Love,
My friend is convinced his ex broke up with him b/c she attended a bipolar support group and the family and friends of bipolars scared the crap out of her (i.e., I'm only 30 years old and I'm going to have to deal with his bipolar the rest of my life?) I guess he had convinced her that he would get "better" with the right cocktail, and she was waiting for that to happen so they could get married.
To rationalize that whole bad situation out, his opinion on those groups now is that they are for extreme cases, and he considers himself a mild case. I'd have to go first and see what it's like and then convince him it was for people like himself, provided they are a closed group (i.e., no surprise drop ins that are extreme cases). I have a pretty good idea of the range b/c my stepmom's sister is bipolar and she is institutionalized, so I consider her on the opposite side of the spectrum from my friend.
Given that most of those support groups seem open to anyone with bipolar, it's most likely that individual counselling will be the best bet if he's going to stick with it for more than a few sessions. I'm afraid if he gets re-turned off to group counselling, he will also not be into individual counselling, even more.
Edited 9/15/2006 10:27 am ET by goddess_juju
Aw JuJu,
I get your point.
Love,
What your friend thinks about bp support groups being for "extreme cases" seems to be partially true to me, really. I haven't gone to one in years. I tried a few in the 90s when I was first diagnosed, and I honestly felt that most of the poeple there were not like me. I was struggling to finish school and get out and hold down a job, to go out and live life, and it was my impression that most of the poeple in the groups I attended had given up and resigned to staying home and popping pills in front of the TV.
(I'm not against medication. Mine is absolutely necessary; I can't function without it).
I don't need a group of people who gave up. I want a group of people who want to succeed, and I'll let you know if I find one. I succeeded regardless. I finished my bachelor's, even though it took me seven years, and I went on and got a master's in two years. Now? It's on to the next challenge!
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
Thanks for your post. You're an inspiration, it sounds like you life is going well for you. My friend is also smart and has a history of being ambitious (Masters degree from Harvard) but he has really taken a fall in the past several years. I'm hoping his experiences overseas will help him and his resume. If this job hadn't fallen in his lap, and if I hadn't helped him pack, he would still be here pining after his ex and surfing the net for whatever.
I have always refrained from helping him directly or pressuring him because I feel the only way he can really make a change and feel good about it is if he makes the change himself. He was undecided about taking this job but in the end he was very excited about going. I'm crossing my fingers that he will return with a new perspective. The country where he is working is one of the most destitute corners of the world on this planet, so surely he will be more appreciative of things (like toilet paper, for instance!) when he returns. Mostly I'm hoping it will lead to other jobs (this one is only a 6-mo contract).
Is there something you do besides the medication that helps you keep on track? Or are you pretty much always on track?
My medication works well, but I have some talk therapy from time to time, and every so often I call a stress line if things get bad. And I should say, I am not always on a 100% even keel. I have some days when I don't feel so hot, but I have learned to work around that. That's how I got through grad school. But even now, I am registered with disability services in case something comes up mood-wise and I have to miss class.
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
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