Newbie: Just ended last night

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2011
Newbie: Just ended last night
24
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 10:06am

I don't know where to start but I feel so lost and scared right now. I have been lurking for many months now and just ended an almost year long distance EA.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 10:10am

You have made the first step to taking back your dignity and living an honest and true life. Welcome. This is a wonderful place with a lot of powerful women who have been where you are.

Don't turn back because you are doing the right thing. Nothing good could have come from a relationship that will tear families apart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 10:15am
Welcome, I am a newbie here too (will be a month out in 5 days)! Sounds like you've started out as strong as you can with ending & NC, come to this board for support during the hardest moments and you'll make it thru :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 10:19am
Welcome. I am a newbue too at 2.5 weeks. You have been amazingly strong and know that you have done the right thing. Read here and in the Healing Library - it really helps - my eyes ache from all the reading but it is all staying with me and helping.
You will have good and bad days - I still am. But this board is amazing so stay and all will help you through.

theyellowone

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 11:23am

Genevieve,

Welcome to our community and I am sorry you are in so much pain. Just the fact that you have already blocked and walked shows that you are serious about getting your life back and it will happen, but it just takes time. You are already experiencing the grieving process that hits almost immediately, but the fear and sadness will ease with time. Be sure to read the Stages of Grief in the Healing Library, along with all of the other great threads that are there to help you through the next few difficult weeks.

Most of our pain is based upon the addictions attached to the XAP/A/EA, like daily emails, texts, etc., and when they come to a sudden halt we feel like a fish out of water. We have trouble breathing and there may be bouts of anxiety, along with other "shocks to the system" kind of stuff. You have spent a year behaving/thinking one way and now you will have to turn that completely around over the next few weeks. It's uncomfortable and much like withdrawing from an "illegal" substance that had been slowly poisoning you.

Keep reading, posting, and learning. I am glad you have already been lurking so you know the drill and hopefully have some idea what to expect. Of course, actually ending an A is a far cry from what we expected it would be like. Sometimes it's much more harder, and then in my case, it was easier than I anticipated. I had already started the disengaging process a few months before I yanked out the A plug for good.

Now...... the aftermath is a whole other story. Once you regain your bearings you will have to start working on the "WHY" you chose to go down this dark and forbidden road to begin with. We must look deep within ourselves for finding the answers, but first our vision has to clear from that nasty fog we were in. :smileywink:

Again, welcome, and remember....one hour/one day at a time.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2011
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 12:52pm

Thank you so much for your responses. This morning has been so difficult and painful for me. It's actually scary. I completely agree that my A was/ is an addiction. I knew it was toxic and bad for me the entire

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 5:13pm

Ah, G.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 5:56pm
Genevieve, big hugs to you and welcome to EAS.

In this world, there are bad hurts (like leaving an infected tooth to rot in your mouth, making you sicker and sicker) and good hurts (like taking action to have that tooth fixed). Ending an A is one of those good hurts. Yes it feels painful at the moment, but you're doing the right thing and you will start to feel better for it soon. Allowing the A to continue just allows the rot to spread through every part of your life and causes much more pain in the long run. You've got a problem that has to be sorted and there's no better time than now.

I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling. You're in the right place and we will do whatever we can to support you through this. Read lots, post often, andc take good care of yourself.

Kat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2011
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 11:08pm

Today was awful, I could barely function and put on a happy face for my children when they came home from school. I had a weak moment and dialed xap on the way to

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 11:23pm

Honey, you're not alone. Every one of us has been where you are now, and there's a safe path out of the pain that you're feeling. You've just gotta trust in the process and follow our footsteps outta there.

One of the most valuable lessons I've learnt since I came here is that you CAN stop obsessing over it. Your thoughts are your own and YOU get to choose what you think about. Don't let yourself be held hostage to thoughts of him Genevieve. Don't allow yourself to be a prisoner in your own mind. Take back that space and push those thoughts of him OUT. We all need to find our own technique for doing this - some say "stop" and visualise a red stop sign, some choose to

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 11:31pm

Welcome G!

I have little to add to the already great comments except:

I hope its already tomorrow wherever you live and that you are seeing a new brighter day!

Pages