This is SOOOOOOOO stupid

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
This is SOOOOOOOO stupid
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:24pm

I hate feeling this way!!! OMG. I've been rapid cycling for a while now...about the last month. I'm so sick of being "bad" manic and depressed at the same time...

I'm also:

sick with bronchitis/sinus infection
have had a tooth that needs pulling for a month (friday is the day)
have been way triggered by my family again
did some manicky stuff and lied about it
haven't been sleeping - went 3 days this past weekend...
have been taking pills like crazy (ativan and tylenol p.m.)

I went to pdoc 2 weeks ago...nothing changed but adding Risperdal and then getting adverse reactions to it...made my period start early...NOW I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THE REAL PMS!!!

I'm just a mess all around.

Good news is: I lost the 9 pounds I gained from the Risperdal in about a week or so, and hopefully I can start exercising again soon.

Okay...what I need to do to help myself:

1. Admit my mistake to my dh and get it off my chest
2. Rest as much as possible to get better physically
3. Take my meds as rx'ed
4. Get over feeling sorry for myself -- this is my life and only I can make it what it needs to be...BP or not.
5. Do something for myself - when I get paid, I'll cut and color my hair
6. Start taking better care of myself...as in, get back to facial care, hot baths, music, reading, loving myself work (maybe one day...)...wearing makeup and doing my hair again.

I need to get a grip and this is the only way for me to do it...talk it out like this! Sorry you guys have to read through all this!

Things I feel bad about that I cannot change:

1. BP BP BP BP BPBP BP BP BP
2. My family's issues
3. My depressions
4. My son's attitude towards me and life -- he is who he is at this point in his life...not much else I can do for him...he is putting me down a lot lately, though, and I HAVE to change that somehow; or learn to ignore it.

I HAVE TO GET A GRIP ON THIS CYCLING RIGHT NOW!!! I do not want to end up i/p again...won't do that...soooooooo, I just have to keep on keeping on...