have a serious question pos trigs

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Registered: 04-21-2003
have a serious question pos trigs
7
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 5:18pm

there has been a lot of stuff happening right now, my DD's best friend and her family had become close to my family and we would do things together as a huge family, well they were doing school for me when I couldnt, well they werent doing a very good job in my eyes and I mentioned it to them in a letter and I also overheard the mother talk about mental illiness and how bad it is and how horrible her DIL is bc she is mentally ill well I wrote that in the letter also well they got all ticked off, and kept a teachers book that they bought and I paid them for and a dance outfit that my DD wore that they bought FOR my DD and that we paid them back for it, well they came over to my house and well I lost it with them and I started to go after them luckily my DH was there with me and held me back but I seem to be losing my temper a lot is that part of the bipolar? I have never went after anyone a day in my life, I dont like fighting but I have put my hand through a mirror and through a picture frame. I worry about what I may do to these people if they come over to my house again, or if I see them. is this the bipolar

Mary

Mary
Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 5:40pm
well yeah i go ballistic ALOT & assume its my bipolar,but then again i always have.
what concerns me is that you say you've never lost it like that(am i right?)
yeah it's the bipolar BUT you were also angry as hell & rightfully so.
what the heck did they come over for?
don't beat yourself up.it sounds as tho you were provoked
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 5:40pm

Hi Mary


I am sorry you are having a bad time right now. Bipolar can make you irritable and feel angry and easily set off. I used to be very reactive to what people said and or did. Not that I don't have my moments now but I was a lot worse in that area in my teens and young adulthood. At that time though, I wasn't dx'd as BP. Once I was put on bp meds I gradually was able to control myself better. It took a good deal of therapy also.


Do you have a pdoc & tdoc? I would talk to them and get meds to help with the anger and irritability. A tdoc can help with ways to manage anger. I learned some stratagies for that when I was inpatient and outpatient. After awhile I hated myself for reacting the way I did, when someone was in front of me and there was a confrontation I would learn to hold myself back from doing something I would regret. Now, not by any means am I perfect, and I have had times

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 6:13pm

Perhaps they came to your home to work things out? What was the tone of the letter you wrote? That also is something to think about. If these people were very close to you and your family, and they were helping with your DD's school- does that mean they were helping her with her homework? I'm not clear on what you meant by that, but remember they were doing something for you and your DD not as paid tutors. I can see how you may have felt offended when you over heard the woman speak negatively about Mental Illness in the other person. I understand how hearing her say such things would make you feel defensive and insulted. You have every right to feel that way and to tell them if you feel that how they are going about helping your dd is not the way you feel it should be done. However, remember you do not have the right to raise your hand to anyone for any reason, regardless of the situation, or BP. Yes, BP can be the cause behind being easily set off into anger etc, but a person has to then rationalize and consider the reality of the situation. -Could you see why they may have been angry, felt offended, by the letter? They may have felt critisized, offended, insulted, and/or unappreciated receiving the letter when they feel they are doing something -such as schoolwork for your dd- out of kindness / friendship?

Is this relationship with Dds Best Friend and their family something that you have treasured in the past? If so, you may want to think about how they perceived the letter and try to understand their perspective on this situation.

I do not know the entirety of your situation, only what I read in a short post. So my response / advice is not intended to critisize or make presumptions about your situation, but to offer honest straight forward advice that you can choose to take or to leave.

I believe the best way to show someone respect is to speak honestly and bluntly, maybe with a little sugar on top. So that is how I try to reply in posts.

Best wishes, I hope things can be resolved and your day gets better.

Michelle


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 6:36pm

no I have never really lost it to the point that I wanted to beat the crap out of anyone I just well I use to beat my sister up but that was my sister you know, this was someone else, they came over to bring some of my stuff that I loaned to them back to me and they had this hateful attitude about them and honestly all I asked was for the mother and I to have a meeting and she said that there wasnt any reason for one and so I said fine, then went into the house and proceeded to lose it that was when I punched the mirror and then I went storming outside and like I said I was going after them I am not a real big person I am 5' 2" and around 120 pounds and they are like 5'7" 190 - 200 pounds but I wasnt going to let that stop me. So yea I was pissed but I have been angry b4 just never went after anyone other then my sister. thanks for your input.

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 6:45pm

TY so much, Yes I do go see a therepist every other week and she knows about my rages here recently but she wants to work on my near fatal attempt a few weeks ago. I dont have a P'doc bc I have a lot of issues that comes from my past experiences and plus we just dont have any good ones in my town and I dont drive. I think I have been bipolar for sometime now but just recently dx"d as bipolar.

The only meds I take for my BP is Cymbalta and Risperdak and that is hard for me to take I rarely take the risperdal, but if I dont take the cymbalta then I get a zapping feeling in my brain and my face goes numb. lol now look whos babbling.

Thanks
Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 6:56pm

to help u better understand, I home school my kids and when I am not able then they do it for me and in the letter I gave them it said that I greatly appreciated it, but I had some concerns bc they had my 8 year old writing his ABC's and that is something he already knew how to do.

I had many people that I know read the letter to make sure that it was the right way I guess you could say, and everyone said that it was very appopriate and I didnt think it would make them so upset, bc I did and still do appreciate what they did for me and my kids, but they are the type of people who have to have total control over everything for example they would come to my house and make sure my kids' rooms were clean and I said I didnt care if their rooms werent clean and they got all huffy with me and said that it was all or none.

I never said it was right to raise your hand at anyone and I normally dont and havent that is why it has been concerning me and if I were to hit anyone then yes I would deserve to be punished by the law, and that is why I think it is very serious.

Thanks
Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Thu, 09-21-2006 - 11:37pm

That does sound very controlling. Unless they were legally appointed, they have no business checking your home for cleanliness. I say that family members, or family friends in can be put in charge of checking up on a family/child as a condition for the child to be returned to the parents custody (if a child had been removed by the state).

In your situation, it sounds as though a very controling person took it upon themselves to decide what was an appropriate level of 'clean'.

I can understand alot better after your most recent post- that was smart to have someone else read the letter first, gives you an idea of what someone else might read into, or read between the lines, before sending.