how do u respond

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2006
how do u respond
6
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 6:22pm
my fiance is bipolar..which is not a problem for me i love him dearly and he has it under control..what gets me is the people not all just some who say why are you going to marry a mental case( which he is not and that is so cruel to say). also the fact that he is on disability does not bother me either he has worked in the past or he wouldn't be getting it..what gets me is the comments i think like why should you b e the one to be working and he staying home all day to me its all trivial..but last nite my good friend told me more or less that i was crazy and that she is scared for me and my daughter.she don't even know him she met him once all she knows or thinks she knows is that as she puts it bipolar is a mental desease and and that he is crazy..i was very hurt by all this..i guess what i am wondering is if any other woman who is or has been married to someone with bipoar or has a spouce who has been up against rude people or poeple who don't understan gone thru this and how they had coped or what their respond to thses peope were..any and all input will be appreciated. Thanks for listening to me vent..
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 9:47pm

I SO feel for you, Sweetie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 10:22am

Hi there! We have all dealt with this on some level. My choice is to not tell anyone! My dh knows and 1 IRL friend. That's it because I know they will love me regardless and frankly, it's nobody else's business!

Good luck! Kelli





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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 5:29pm

I can understand how you feel to some extent as my Ex-BF had a mental illness. The concern my family had for my wellbeing and future came out very negatively towards my ex-bf. I recently was told that I am Bipolar by a physician. I chose certain people to share the diagnosis with for various reasons, including; the need for some support and assistance in monitoring my progress with certain medications. I chose to with-hold the diagnosis from the majority of the family and friends network. I felt that the diagnosis could color their view of me, and I am today the same person they knew the day before I received the diagnosis.

If you are wanting your family to be more supportive and positive about this man, the best suggestion I have is to limit who you rely on for support for the 'negatives' or the 'vents' and keep any communication that you can as positive as possible. Talk about how good he is to you, how hard he is trying to do xyz, how he keeps the house clean since you work and he's at home, and down play the not so great aspects. I'm not suggesting you lie, don't get me wrong there.

If you notice there is more negative than positive or that you can't come up with positives, you need to think about your satisfaction in the relationship.

Also, think about what your family is telling you. If it's being said in a way that makes you feel defensive of your BF, you most likely will rebuke any advice they give; however, try to think about what they have said and if there's truth to their words (even if the way the words were phrased seem offensive or negative). I only say this due to my personal experience with a somewhat similar situation.

Best Wishes!
Michelle


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 9:27am

Rude people SUCK! LOL

Hey there...I'm so glad you posted.

I'm the BP one...really severely BP, but right now its much much much more manageable on meds...anyway, I made the decision to tell people. My job, cuz I'd have to be out a lot from time to time...my family, they were all I had for support...and a few IRL friends...well, the friends are gone...but my job and my family are not...i've gotten tons of support from my dh and parents...although my dh and i live separately now, we are very very close...he's my best friend.

Yes, I've run into really stupid people...but I agree with Marci...and love the "saying" her dd uses!!!

Love and Hugs,

Keli

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 9:50am
there are plenty here & i admire them.
i haven't read any responses but i have to tell you that you are a beautiful nurturing person & i wish there were more like you.most everyone on this earth is walking around with SOMETHING wrong with them & they just don't know it.
my former(now) beverly hills priced psychiatrist happens to have an EXTREME narscistic(sp)personality disorder & my tdoc will back me up on that.(talk about DANGEROUS????????????)i'm suffering now from his irresponsiblity & carelessness.so are other patients of his.
my h's family considers me a liability but it was ok that his grandfather used to beat the **** out of his grandmother when he got drunk & couldn't get it up(don't ask me how i even know that.)
NO ONE has the right or the knowledge to judge what goes on within people's homes.i actually learned about NOT being judgemental from watching dr. phil on the kitchen tv while making dinner cause all he does is judge & flaunt his perfection.
even he has secrets.but i digress..
a person who has a flaw or even what you want to call an illness & is TAKING CARE OF IT & HAS SUPPORT is a responsible & pretty much healthy person by all accounts.i'll introduce you to my neighbor if you want to meet someone who desperately needs help & refuses to get it.oy vey.
i have learned to lie creatively.it's none of everyone else's business unless you are complaining to them & it doesn't seem that way.
if you're happy & like your arrangment who cares what they think.if you're working & your daughter has an at home parent too i can't think of anything more wonderful.
if you had my mouth these people would have shut up long ago.
vent away.i for one am happy that you 2 have found eachother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 11:01pm

The best thing I can think to tell you is what I've been told so many times before when I couldn't get my mind around my own diagnosis. And that is that bipolar disorder is a disease just like heart disease or diabetes. You love this man "in sickness and in health..." If he's on medication and has it under control then he is one of the lucky ones. The fact that he openly admits he has the illness and has sought treatment speaks volumes.


So, in short, tell these people - if you feel you must tell them anything - that he is no different than a person with heart disease or diabetes. He has an illness that requires him to take medication. The end.


Hope this helps.


Hugs,
Traci