new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2011
new here
15
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 8:58pm

my affair ended 4 days ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 9:28pm
It isn't easy - but it's like your moniker says - mostly as a person you realize you want to smile again - but in a fully present and healthy way. Welcome to the board - and many Hugs to you - Ending isn't easy. Going NC is a decision that you make realizing that there has to be more - that YOU are worth more than waiting around for crumbs from some person who doesn't value you the way they should. Right now everything is raw, and hurting. Take a breath, take another and read like crazy. The healing library at the bottom of our page offers many experiences and or thinkings from those who have been there done that - and the You guys rock thread in this same area has TONS of good clips from conversations that help reinforce mental clarity and healing. I am sorry you are here, but I wish you the best. Let us know more about you - are you M - was he? Much love,
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 9:33pm
Welcome :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 9:36pm
Dear smileagain, welcome to EAS. I'm Kat - coming up to 12 weeks out of a long A with a MM. Those first few days of NC are among the hardest and 4 days is a great achievement. Our Healing Library is full of wonderful resources. Read as much as you can and post often.

I had tried ending my A many times before, and slipped back every time, so when I came to EAS I just placed my blind trust in the women who came before me and followed their advice to the letter. And the first thing I was told to do was to block and delete. Phone numbers, photos, emails, texts, the whole lot. It's the only way to protect yourself from more pain.

Big hugs - stay with us and you will get your smile back again.:) I promise.

Kat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 9:56pm

thank you all for the warm welcomes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 10:21pm
wtsa -
your story is very VERY similar to mine :). Again, be strong, read much and know we are here.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 11:18pm
Dear Smileagain, Facebook, a "long lost love", and a man who thinks that the way to solve relationship problems is with a new relationship. Sounds like a near perfect recipe for disaster to me! This guy has proven over and over again that when the going gets tough, he gets going ... to the arms of another woman. You have made a smart decision by choosing to get out now, while you still have your family and a shred of dignity intact. Read about D-days in our healing library and you'll understand how close you came to destroying everything you hold dear. My friend Iggy likens an A to "watching a butterfly while driving on the edge of a cliff". Sure, it's colourful and distracting but is it worth driving into an abyss for, taking everyone you love with you???

We have all been where you are now, Smileagain, and we're living, breathing proof that there is a way through this. 11 weeks and 4 days ago I was curled up on the floor of my shower sobbing, and thinking that my heart was breaking in two. Today I feel more peaceful, content, and grateful for my life than I have in years. NC is one of the hardest and at the same time one of most important things I have done in my life. Hang in there :)

Wishing you strength and serenity,

Kat

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 5:00am
Such amazing words from Kat and you have done so well to make that decision to move on and go NC.

I applaud you for it and you won't find a better support network than here. So much help and advice. Read as much as possible, take on board what has been said and use that to make you feel stronger. You're not alone with your pain and I didn't take that final step last time to push, totally block all contact and now I feel myself I'm in the final throws of a dying A with all the pain involved.

You've shown great courage and I wish you all the best. Welcome to EAS.

NM
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 7:19am
NewMan, just a gentle reminder that this is a Board for people who have ended an A, not those in the final throes. You're very welcome to stay around and read, and then start posting again once you decide to take that last step. (I trust one of the vets will correct me if I've got that wrong, but I think that's the way it usually works?) We'll be here when you're ready.

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 9:42am

WTSA,

((Hugs)) Honey,

As has already been said by one of our dear posters, you will not be genuinely smiling again until you get this XMM out of your system. The only way to do that is to sever all means of communication and then let the addiction to those A feel goods fade. In 3 weeks you will be feeling a whole lot better (physically), and your emotions will have started to even out.

An old friend/flame who is found through FB is a disaster in the making when one or both parties are already M, and they all end in heartache. Also, if your XMM is on his 3rd M, you had red flags waving all over the place. Add that to him trolling FB looking for another conquest (and I am not talking about his wanting another W), says a lot about his character. He is a serial cheater, looking for ego boosts wherever he can find them. But, enough about him.....

This journey is going to be about you. Once those A toxins start draining, you will gain back your clarity and see this for what it really was. Affairs are nothing but a detour down fantasy lane, ending with a BIG FAT NOTHING to show for it. The end product is pain, guilt, remorse, and cries for help. That is what we hear when a new poster arrives; guttural cries to make the pain stop. The only guarantee for making sure this happens it to Block and Walk. NC=No New Hurts. If you want to end this downward spiral, then continue with NC, read here every chance you get, make the Healing Library your new BF, and turn your focus back on YOU and your FAMILY.

Wishing you peace and strength,

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 9:52am

Kat,

Your "Gentle Reminder" made me smile.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha

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