reframing reminders

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
reframing reminders
10
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 8:56am
Something happened that's thrown me for a loop, and I feel like I need a reality check before I start doubting my own sanity.

xAP has a high profile job. Yesterday he launched a new campaign, which is being reported in the media and will soon feature on buses and trains all over the city. That in itself is kind of a pain to deal with, but I can get my head around it. The part that's thrown me is this: the tagline for his campaign alludes to a very personal piece of information which only his W and I would know, followed by words along the lines of "moving on is easy". Within hours of the launch I started getting hang up phone-calls, something which has never before happened in my job, and I can't imagine who else it could be other than xAP.

Please tell me (a) that I'm just reading too much into this and that xAP has far better things to do with his life than taunt me from a billboard on the side of a bus and (b) that you know a good hypnotist who can remove all memories of the A from my brain so that I can stop losing sleep over the actions of a person who no longer has any relevance to my life.

I guess the broader question is this: in situations where we can't avoid reminders of the A, how do we reframe them to at least remove the worst of the sting?

So sorry for the midnight rant! I do appreciate your endless patience with my newbie neuroses, and I hope to be a wise and patient tweener one day soon!

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 9:49am
Hi Kat

Sounds very strange doesn't it but in all likelihood it is just coincidence. Try not to read too much into it as u say - he HAS NO RELEVANCE.

Stay on your guard tho just in case of another fishing attempt. I am not yet at the reframing stage yet but you have moved on so remember why you have. WHat he does doesn't matter.

Sending strength vibes your way.

yellowone. Xxx

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 10:41am

Kat,

The hang ups could have been him, but so what? A coward is a coward, and a person with nothing to hide would apologize for calling the wrong #.

It's not easy to do the reframing thing when it's in your face all of the time. Just the fact that you said he is no longer relevant in your life is a good foundation to work with. My reframing, if you can call it that, is to divert my thoughts immediately towards what I need to do that day for myself and family.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 10:57am

Oh, Honey Pie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 6:29pm
Yellow one, thanks for support. Now that the sun is shining and I'm not alone with my demons in the middle of the night, I think you're right. It probably is just a coincidence.

Iddy, thanks for the reminder that this isn't over at 3 months. Not what I wanted to hear, but important nevertheless. Most days I feel like I'm doing great, but then something like this happens and suddenly I'm just a child again.

Dee - you make me laugh! <
Thank you all. :)

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 1:07pm
(((Kat))),

I agree with Dee that JAMS don't have creative imaginations as women do and this is just a coincidence.

And, even if it wasn't - SO WHAT???!!! What's the point of obessing or wondering? Right? Absolutely irrelevant.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 5:42pm
Thanks Never, you're absolutely right. Anything he's thinking or not thinking or doing or not doing is nothing to do with me. Ever since reading Luvin's post on her sister's breast cancer, those stupid bus billboards haven't crossed my mind once. I've got more important things to be doing with this one precious life of mine :)

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 5:47pm
P.S. right now those "more important things" include cleaning up the carnage of three darling children who have been up all night with a vomiting bug. But even washing vomit off sheets is is more authentic and meaningful than trying to read the mind of a stranger who I met on a plane.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 9:08pm
Kat, your post reminded me of how it is working with exAP's. Constant reminders are hard to deal with. I'm thinking of you and I attribute part of my NC success to you a's you were one of the first EASers I feel I bonded with, so thank you :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 9:17pm
Thanks Tuff, I remember the day you joined and I am so GLAD that you've stayed around. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 8:32am
Hey Kat

Havent had a lot of time on here lately, busy with other stuf.

Gosh you are doing well, you are just so analytical and so good at staying in the moment! You should be so proud of yourself honey!!!

Now, high-profile exAP! What a toss-pot! I am not sure the hangups are him, and as the girls said- would he really be that clever or focussed on anything other than himself :)

It doesn't matter!!!! That's my mantra honey and it's a good-un.

Stay focussed on those darling kids and let that exAP's face just roll on past on that bus. He was never truly smiling at YOU anyway :)

Iggyx
You are what you consistently do