i'm doing it.
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i'm doing it.
| Mon, 10-02-2006 - 9:05pm |
i'm going to leave my children.i'm going to take my dog & leave.
i am not made to withstand this abuse & total disregard of authority.
i can't breathe.
let their father figure it out.
i cannot do this anymore.
goodbye.
i am not made to withstand this abuse & total disregard of authority.
i can't breathe.
let their father figure it out.
i cannot do this anymore.
goodbye.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Suzi)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I know the frustration you are feeling, but running away won't solve anything. In fact, it will only make it worse. Your children and your dh will be devastated if you leave. And you won't be solving the problem. Sweetie, you can't run away from yourself and that's exactly what you are trying to do.
As has been previously suggested, you need to go to the ER or go i/p. There you will get the help you need. Your kids need you and your dh needs you. You may not see that right now because of the state you're in, but you've got to believe it.
Please get some help. You deserve it. You deserve to feel better. And you need to be able to see how much your kids and dh need you. And you'll only see that after you get your meds worked out. Because hon, what you're on now is definitely not working and you know that at some level. Please keep us posted as to what you decide. We care about you a lot and only want what's best for you.
Hugs,
Traci
Suzi,
I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time right now. I am guessing from what you wrote that your girls are being quite disrespectful. I wish, with all my heart, that I could offer you a solution for this problem. Unfortunately, I am experiencing the same problem with my ds and I totally understand how it is a major trigger...and I only have one who is doing it (an 8yo, the 4yo isn't there yet) so I can imagine how having 3 can be. My ds has special needs- multiple special needs- and right now has a mouth on him worse than many teens (no cursing, just oppositional, back-talk, defiant, that kind of stuff). I can feel your frustration- it is hard enough to handle when we are feeling "level" or "even", but when we are "off" at all, that makes it even harder to handle.
I also understand the wanting to run- that is one of my favorite feelings. If I could just get away from "them", from everything, from everyone, it would all be ok. The reality is I'm trying to run from myself. No matter where I would go, I wouldn't be happy. We need to fix our minds; unfortunately, we can't do that on our own.
I know you have just started to see a new pdoc, but have you called her? There have been a lot of med changes you have gone through recently and that may be part of the problem. I'm not a good person to give advice about meds- I'm not doing very well in that department right now- but I've been driving my pdoc nuts calling him, so he gets the point. I've called him at least once per week to tell him that I'm having a problem or to tell him I'm driving dh nuts. I feel I'm doing my part and taking responsibility by keeping tdoc and pdoc well informed of my symptoms/problems. Are you willing to call her? Please consider calling her and leaving a vm to tell her how you are feeling. You need to feel confortable with your new pdoc and establish a relationship with her. She needs to become part of your support system and she can only do that if you allow it by keeping her informed.
Hugs,
Peg
Suzi,
I hope by now you've calmed down and realized that running is not the answer to your problem, although i can definitely sympathize with your desire too.