someone else's BS
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| Sat, 04-09-2011 - 9:34pm |
Just a recap because I have been away for awhile. I was in an A with a S guy for a few months. He was an old boyfriend and the story is about the same as everyone else's. I was lucky I found this board early and was able to get out (not without a few bumps) and now have been NC for 5 months :)
I have been thinking about him lately because his birthday was this week. Again...lucky...I was kept busy at work.
So there I was at the end of a long work week. A customer looked upset, so I asked what I could do to help (expecting something in my job description) instead I was faced with a BS.
This lady just started crying and ranting about seeing the OW. She went on and on very loudly how that person should be ashamed of herself, and I found myself just listening (knowing that she probably needed this for awhile). As I listened I realized that my H never had to feel this pain. How awful I would feel if it were him breaking down to a complete stranger. Then a young boy came up behind her. I looked into his eyes and my heart broke. Although I am pretty sure this was not the first he had heard of it. I acknowledged him and her rant stopped. I walked her and her son to their car. Apologizing that she had to experience that in my place of business like I had any control over it. In reality I was apologizing for being a xAP, for bringing that kind of hurt into the world-even if I was not the direct source of her hurt.
When I walked in, I had to deal with the alleged OW. She of course told me of her innocence and was very embarrassed. This lady had children who play with her son and she states that this has happened to her more than once.
So...did fate put these people in my path. Just when I was about to become weak and maybe call?
Still on the course...thanks to strangers.

Hi Julia,
Congrats on 5 months of NC. Sorry you had to go through a such an "in your face" reality check, but this was an example of the kind of pain and devastation we cause. I feel mostly sorry for the child having to see his mother lose it like that. Nothing like a little drama at the workplace but you did a nice thing walking them to their car. I can only imagine how uncomfortable that was for you.
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I doubt that fate had anything to do with it, but obviously it was something you needed to experience if you are at all thinking about calling XAP after 5 months of NC. Ask yourself why you were even considering this. What is lacking in your life that has you thinking about contacting your partner in crime after 5 months of A sobriety.
Thanks..
I am a step ahead of you. I know what sent my brain that way...Stress. Luckily, I deleted his phone number. It would take quite a lot of work to get it again. Unfortunately, it would be easy to put myself in his path so NC still takes effort. I just needed to remember the amount of stress that an A causes.