Suzi...r u lurking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Suzi...r u lurking?
5
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 12:44pm

Can you check in with me please? Don't make me worry!!!

Love and Hugs,

Keli

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 9:56pm
yes..i decided to visit & do some reading.
you are too nice to me.
i don't remember being in a manic state like this....altho i must have while carrying on a love(????)affair with an engaged narcissist.
i must have been when i calculated to ruin him.
i must have been when i fell in love with a homeless man without teeth who told me terrible things about me & preferred his dog's company to mine.
i must have been when i fell in love w/ a psychopathic loser even after i witnessed disgusting behavior & gave him 2500$.
& was willing to leave my family for that.
(a little shiver of "ugh" runs thru me.)
i must have been when i gave one psychic close to 10,000$& another more than 20,000$to "fix" me.
& on & on & on &...(after all..i'm 45.that's alot of time for bad behvior)
i am so tired & my mind yells at me when i try to sleep.
i've taken out 500$ in the past 2 days & spent literally the last penny today.i'm on a home improvment house beautiful crusade.even w/ a puppy in the house.i figure he should get used to new throw rugs on the floor b/c later he'll want to destroy them.
rationalization.
i've cleaned out years of clutter & unused stuff by the bags & bags & bags & bags full.
i've laid down the law & posted the rules framed on the wall for the kids.
i've taught myself how to cook.
this isn't me.i don't know who i am.
i'm bound to crash,right?
i called new pdoc..what a doll.she called me back right away & told me to add 300 mg of lithobd.
wow..this is confusing.b/c when family dramas begin to unfold around you..i mean the peyton place stuff that happens to the family who lives far away,you don't know what to feel b/c it's just one more thing shoved in to an already full head.
i'm conciously trying to control it but sometimes its like touretts,you know?
i know you know.
thanks for checking on me keli.it means the world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 10:56pm

((((((((((((Suzi)))))))))))) for what it's worth, I too am glad you stuck around. I know you're manic right now and are having a really hard time with that. But hopefully the increase in the lithobid will help you. I know while I was on it, before I suffered from side effects, it worked beautifully. I hope it works well for you and that you don't get the side effects. Hang in there and keep us posted on how you're doing.


Hugs,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:03pm

(((((((((((((((((((( SUZI ))))))))))))))))))))


I am glad you posted and are letting us know how things are. I know you are going through so much right now. You have been through so much.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:19pm

Suzi,


Hope that Lithoboid helps, although I sure could use some of your home improvement energy right now!

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 7:48am
thank you all.
i have actually been taking the lithobid all along,but when the "pdoc we do not speak of" sent me my script he got my dose wrong.so i ran out.
i had been taking 1200 but by the time i went to se this new pdoc i was only taking 600.
she wanted to increase slowly so i was only taking 900 along w/ the new med,geodon.she wasn't going to increase me till i saw her again but said it was ok to do it now.
she'll take my blood & do levels.
(she'll take my blood in her office instead of making me sit all day in the only clinic that takes my insurance?????i think i'll have to kiss her on the lips!)
anyway..after i bring the cat home from the vet i plan to force myself to do nothing besides read or watch mindless tv for a couple of hours.
i love you women.............sus