Adding to the 50,000

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Adding to the 50,000
3
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 10:28pm

I don't have anything of real importance to write. I'm still getting used to my diagnosis, my meds, seeing a therapist (which I did for the first time on Moday and I really enjoyed it). I'm trying to learn to keep my mouth shut, which isn't like me, I tend to wear everything on my sleeve, if everyone knows everything about you they can't hurt you with secrets. But both the pdoc and the tdoc said I should talk about my bp on a need to know basis. It's hard because it's all I think about but I have no one to really talk to about it.

Today I made a life plan, which I'm sure will become my obsession and if I don't get engaged BY my birthday it'll be a mental breakdown because it'll mess up the whole plan. In the plan I have a phD in 10 years along with 2 kids. If I don't get accepted to FSU (which I shouldn't because my grades are bad, but I'm trying to explain to the head of admissions that I had undiagnosed bp for 6 years, the entirety of my time in college) that'll also mess up the plan. Making the plan was a bad idea. My tdoc said when I do such things I should ask a "rational" person if that action is what a "rational" person would do. I asked my boyfriend and he said it sounded like I might be putting a lot on my plate. Obviously that made me mad.

I'm also mad about the fact that he's not being obsessive like I am about the questions he's going to ask the pdoc on Monday when he goes to my appointment with me, or the tdoc next Monday. I take this to mean that he doesn't care about me, my dx, or our future together.

We have company all weekend, my diet is going to be destroyed and then all next week we'll be in Ohio with his family and new baby nephew, my social anxiety is out of control and I'm turning it into anger.

Wow I'm sorry this is so ranty. I honestly thought I was happy when I started writing this. Sorry to be a downer, especially when theres a lot more serious stuff going on around here.

-Christina

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:13pm

Sweetie, there's nothing wrong with having a plan for what you'd like to accomplish as long as you don't get caught up in things happening exactly when you want them, how you want them (especially things like engagements that rely on other people).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:30pm

Christina....oh, how do I know how you are feeling about making those plans.


I put a lot on myself to do what I think " I " should be able to do. Unfortunately I do have an illness that can hold me back and cause road blocks.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 9:43am

Hey Christina!!! You NEED to talk about your BP, you feelings, your meds, all of it...we're here just for that purpose!!! Never apologize for ANYTHING. Okay?

By the way, I live here in Tallahassee!!!

Hugs honey!

Keli