Major trigger for DH

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Major trigger for DH
3
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:18pm

So it was 10/05/05 I noticed I could not see my H when I peered into his eyes. There was no stopping him on his new found quest. The night I let him go. The night I took him to the airport to meet this mysterious woman.

There were no flights out that night and it was on 10/06 they met for the first time in over 10 years eye-to-eye (not a former girlfriend ... a date of a friend at our wedding).

I have been fearing she would try to contact him this week & I my fear came to life. She sent him an email stating something like, 'I know you love your wife & I know you love your kids, but I cannot live like this any longer. It's been nearly a year & I cannot live this way any more.'

For those who do not know the story H was in mixed mania from taking Zoloft. They were put on a 3-way call from mutual friend on 09/09 while I was out of town. By 09/10 they 'were in love.' Before that 3-way call I was already worried about H's state and by the time I came home he was delusional - I had no idea what delusions were until this time. He was dx'd bp in late Oct.

Everytime he tried to end the relationship with this OW she would threaten suicide. H almost filed for a D b/c 'I would survive where she would not.' He was horribly sad but felt responsible for her life.

Late Nov (a few days after he started antipsychotics) he decided he was not responsible for her life & decided to rebuild our marriage. So she showed up on his doorstep unannounced & would not leave. He finally put her into a hotel, where she threatended suicide again. He ended up taking her back to his apartment where she passed out a couple of hours before her flight home & he put her in the ER where she was dx'd as bp in acute mania as well. (He did wake her enough to ask if she took pills & she said she had - she hadn't but she did drink a lot of alcohol very quickly.)

She still sent him a Christmas present to OUR house & continued to email him through Jan. Finally on Jan 30th H wrote her an email to stop all contact with it CC'd to me. We have not heard from her until today.

H has been working very hard in accepting & taking care of his illness. He goes to Dual-Diagnosis meetings every Friday. He's working hard on staying sober & being a good H & father. (It's been months since he has drank.)

He's out of town right now, but when I spoke to him last his voice sounded a lot like it did last year. I'm having Post-Traumatic symptoms myself, I cannot even imagine what he's going through.

Luckily he is with his boss on this trip & after last year I don't think he'd dare drink while they are together. He was accepted back with the understanding he's on final written notice. But this has also given him time to explain to his boss what this illness is & what he went through last year. I guess he's even told her about the e-mail ... so, again, lucky she is there to distract him from all of this.

P&PT for my family right now.

Thanks,
Bonnie




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:26pm

Bonnie,


"Anniversaries" of all kinds can be rough and it sounds like the OW is dealing with hers by re-creating yours; hopefully, all the therapy that dh has been through since last year will help me through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:41pm

Bonnie-


You have my P&PTs coming your way. This a lot to deal with. Please know we are here for you.


Tina




     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 9:00am
Many P&PT's Bonnie and many hugs - good luck with your dh.
Take care, Kelli





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