I don't feel manic...but...
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| Thu, 10-05-2006 - 12:20pm |
I don't know. I've been working really hard on 'rebuilding' my life. Making changes. Getting out more...talking more, going to the library a lot, reading a lot, doing things I like to do...I haven't taken any risks without thinking them through, which is what I used to do when I was manic and cycling like crazy...I always acted out and never thought about anything.
I'm not "using men" to satisfy me...I'm actually very content and satisfied with my life right now and its the WEIRDEST thing for me! I'm always always always wondering if I'm just manic. But there are big differences. Like, thinking things through...planning. Being positive.
My ds's BP is a bother right now, but we fight, as most teens and moms do and its over. I'm no longer allowing every little thing to stress me out and cause a major catastrophe in my life.
I'm working on my self esteem again as well. I feel good again about myself, even though I'm still a size 16. I take care of my physical self care again. You can all relate to that, I'm sure.
My marriage is wonderful again, but we still don't live together and it WORKS. I don't apologize for who I am or how I am. This is ME. I can improve upon myself, but I will NOT go around changing for ANYONE.
My mom and dad are doing okay. My job is good.
I'm working on my finances again too. I've ALMOST caught up (though I'm short on rent right now). I opened up a checking account again. This too is major. I want to save money, I want to travel. I want to live.
You all know me. Do I sound manic? I am definitely not depressed. But I just don't feel crazy manic. I know too though that when we get manic, we don't think we really are.
I just feel more comfortable with ME than I have in a very long time.
There are things I want to do...like when my son graduates high school and moves away. I will be able to do them, if I being planning and stick with my plans.
Anyway, I just wanted to throw this out there.
Keli

Hi Keli! I am certainly not a professional by any means but you sure sound healthy and happy to me. It must feel really good - best of luck!!!
Pug hugs, Kelli
Dear Keli:
HI THERE!!!! I saw your response to me on the Depression Support board and figured I'd send a shout out over here, where you're more likely to see it.
Girl, you sound GOOD. I've always been convinced that you have to force yourself thru the bad times by making positive changes. Believe me, I know as well as anyone, how difficult that can be. Me? I rely on a higher power and pray alot. And today my life is going great. Not wonderful, but great.
And here's the real blessing: tomorrow I'm celebrating 4 years clean and sober! 4 years since I had my last drink or drug. Amazing. 4 years ago my life was in the pits and today I'm a functioning member of society again. Life is good. GOD is good.
Glad to hear you're moving forward on a positive note! Love, Mo.
I do so understand. You sound so good. I too went a bit biserk by my standards back in June and July. And I changed docs and even had to go to one in another city. I am on SSDI. My former P doc took me off of the trilepthal and celexa and only on Depakote. My, my my that was the wrong thing for me. I crashed and cryed and cryed for days went into two weeks and wanted to die. I had never been this bad. I had to see a temporary P doc for one visit who put me back on Celexa with the depakote. And what a difference. Since then I feel like a new person. But, Like you I know its because Of my promising to take things one step at a time and think things thru. I visit my friends and go to meetings and the library. My husband and I and our little dog go to a park for a hour 5 days a week. We keep busy. I meditate. I put a note on the inside of our bathroom mirror.
It says, " I love my self just as I am, TODAY, lumps and bumps and all". This was said by some P doc on one of those public broadcast tv shows. I say it everyday. I believe it most days. LOL. I feel cheered for you Kelli.
THis P doc says I am not bipolar. He doesn't bellieve that I can control this. Maybe he is right and maybe he is wrong. I really want to go to back to that temporary doc. I felt mre comfortable with him.