BP vs normal annoyances -rant-
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| Fri, 10-06-2006 - 1:12am |
Just because someone is "Bipolar" does not totally void any 'right to be irritated'.
First off, I know that my voice volume and tone was calm and 'normal' during a conversation that really irked me. But who wouldn't be irked if their 6yr old SD said "Your jealous of my Mommy". *rolls eyes* What do I have to be jealous of, I ask? Apparently Sd is relating having visitation decreased from EOW to only Every other Saturday to my "Oh so apparent jealousy about her Mommy holding her during the Dr visit when she got her blood drawn". Whatever. *I* am the one that invited the woman to come to the dr appointment Because I knew SD would like for her mom to be there. (she didn't get to go the previous weekend, so I was all trying to be the oh so altruistic Stepmom and invite the BM- backfired..) So I calmly explain that I have nothing to be jealous of because I INVITED BM and I ASKED BM to HOLD SD! - So anyways, SD then says, 'well, your jealous because you sounded mad in the car last night when daddy wanted to go to McDonalds'. Well, yeah I did sound mad, but little SD has no idea WHY and it is not the business of a 6 yr old to know why. (DH had glared at me for taking to long in the video store and pealed out of the parking lot- he was mad because he was going to be late for a raid-for those of you that don't know, it is a scheduled time that a bunch of people play a computer game Online together.. a game that he plays literally every single day and we schedule around his raids every Monday 7pm to 12am, Wednesday 7pm to 12am, Friday 7pm to 12am, and Saturday 2pm to 1am. Yes, that schedule is EVERY WEEK that we schedule our lives around him playing the computer game for all those hours. He also plays on Tuesday and Thursday nights and Sundays all day at will.
Just because I have been told by a general practitioner that I may have Bipolar does not then invalidate any and all irritations or anger that I express! Any normal woman would be irritated, I know it! but now its "oooh kaaay, uhhh huuuhh". My SD was really mad that her EOW visitation is being decreased (because BMs a stupid whore who brings strange men in and out of her house and is now marring one she met just last month who on the first weekend SD went over there he cussed and threatened to hit her with a large wooden object, but that's another story) So sure, I've been annoyed by SD today, but nothing more than a normal person, I never raised my voice, but SD is all like ignoring me when I talk, wants Daddy to read the bedtime story etc- I think she's blaming me because I told her the Dr appointment was a one time thing with BM coming (it was the first time she'd been there and I am not inviting her again).
BM doesn't pay ANY child support at all. I buy ALL of SD's clothes and toys. BM doesn't even buy any school clothes for SD. I have SD all day every day, do all the home work, all the baths, all the medications, etc. Of course I don't expect a 6 yr old to be grateful, she's only 6.
So I ask DH what is wrong is my voice sounding put off or put out or angry? cause I just don't hear it. Weelll, he says "you are just real irritable today and we can tell so she's avoiding you and whispering to me (dh) that she needs something".
I hate when SD comes down and whispers to DH like oooh stay away from SM I mean sheesh, I've NEVER raised my voice at her, I've never said a hateful word to her, I've never said a single bad word about her mother, I've never spanked her, I'm the one that determined consequences rules for misbehavior being standard for the level of the misbehaving, i.e. usually a 6 minute time out (once this month) and that is the ONLY 'punishment' she's had all month!
Personally, I don't see how I'm oh so horrible.
I feel like just saying, you know what? you can both just kiss my ass. BECAUSE I can not be anything but Smiling EVER without either DH or SD playing a 'victim role', they'll say in a high pitch falsetto voice -the meally mouth stuff- I haven't done anything, so I calmly in a normal voice will tell them what has bothered me (which I don't do all that often) but it's usually a 'snide comment' I hear one of them say to me then they deny it with 'i don't know what you mean' or 'i'm so sorry you take things the wrong way'.
grr
/rant off
thanks for letting me vent.

Yep, we have the right to be irritated, even angry but we have to watch that we are not getting overly PO'd about little stuff and also not to let other stuff flow into another.
Yes, I'd have been twerked at the comment, but you have to remember that SD is ONLY 6 and is probably feeling like any kind of love/niceness is a betrayal of BM.
That's exactly why my family still doesn't know my dx--4 1/2 years later, because no matter what I did or said would be discredited or be attributed to BP.