New to BP .. need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
New to BP .. need some advice
31
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 4:04pm

My H was dx'd w/ BP nearly 3 weeks ago. The psychatrist put him on Lamictal. I had finally got him an appointment because I didnt trust the way his regular MD was pushing other meds (sleeping pills, Wellbutrin along with the Zoloft he was already on). So, he went to see the expert to be sure the meds were correct. What brought him there was the fact that nearly 7 months ago he attempted to hang himself in our basement. He was dillusional, had liquor, beer, other medications (rx and otc) in his system. Fortunately, I intercepted and got him on the road to recovery, so I thought. I thought that was rock bottom. He was in the psych ward for a few days, then started IOP and AA. After being sober about 3 months, he started drinking again. Lying picked up again. And around this time, started an emotional affair with a girl at work. Lots of mood swings, depression, rage, you name it. Of course when I found the drinking, I wish I would have handled it differently. I tried to keep him sober and that just increased his lying and hiding. I eventually found some emails from the OW and confronted. He was quick to lie about who she was, where they met, etc, and promised he would end contact. Then, ironically the day he had gone to the psychiatrist, is when I discovered the A had continued, he came clean about who, what, where, etc.

Over the years he has been moody at times, but this just got worse over the last few years. We have always had obstacles to deal with and I know that our marriage issues are not solely based on BP, but I need to more about the disorder.

We are in counseling, thankfully. Individual and joint with the same therapist.

I need to know more about the disorder. I know that it takes several weeks for the medication to show any results. First, will drinking beer effect it? He drinks an average of 6-8 beers a night, more on the weekends. Second, are there any sexual side effects of the medication? Such as less interest, or maybe trouble climaxing? Our sex life had been really great over the last few years, and over the last couple of weeks he has less interest and is different during, and seems to have trouble with climax. Sometimes he gets there, sometimes not, sometimes things cut out in the middle (never happened ever before with us). This is extremely personal, but I just dont know what to do. I have high hopes that it is the medication. Has anyone experienced this or know of any side effects like this? The website does not have much information on it. Also, if this has happened to anyone, has it eased at all once the body was used to the medication?

I appreciate ANY advice you can give. Whether for the questions I asked about the medication or how I can be supportive of him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 6:28pm

Hi

I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago and I was put on Lamictal. I don't know about long term effects but I can tell you what I know so far.

I had 2 experiences drinking on this medication. The first time was kind of a normal drunk night, the second time I don't remember half the night, I threw up all over myself and my boyfriend and was covered in bruises by falling into dressers and tables and I was sick the whole next day. I'm not sure if I should blame the medication (the first time I was on the meds for only 3 or 4 days, the second time I was on it for a week and a half) but I have never had an experience like that before so I do plan on asking my psychiatrist tomorrow at my appointment.

About the sexual side effects. My doctor told me there was a low risk for them but I do kind of feel a little bit less interested than usual. Again I'm not sure if it's the medication to blame but it's something to keep an eye on.

Good luck with everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 4:07pm

The 6-8 beers a night is NOT helping matters, any of them. That could be contributing to the sexual problems, compounding the BP issues, etc. The beer sounds like your H's attempt at self medication.

I myself am on Lamictal also and have not noticed any sexual side effects with delayed climax or "things cutting out in the middle". I am only on 50 mg twice a day though, so maybe higher dosages do, not sure. However, it sounds to me like the beer and just plain age catching up with your H(I HAVE noticed that as I get older it has started taking longer to climax).

When did your H start the Wellbutrin, and the Zoloft? About the same time you noticed the moodiness getting worse? AD with OUT a mood stabilizer plus alcohol is a recipe for wide mood swings and rapid cycling(2-3 mood swings in a DAY). I know Zoloft especially will do this from personal experience.

My DW said she noticed a difference in me almost immediatly with the Lamictal, like in the first week, so your wait may not be as long as you think. With the other meds though, things could be dicey. IMHO you H should be taken OFF of the AD's and sleeping pills(tapered off safely) and let the Lamictal start to do it's thing and see if what your H was taking all the other medicines for aren't alleviated by the Lamictal. With my DS, most of his other issues(sleep, concentration, outbursts) were controlled when he got to the right level of Depakote.

About the disorder....some questions before I can really answer well. Has you H been like this since you met him? Try and find out his childhood history. If this is early onset then there is a whole 'nother set of issues that, from my understanding, is not present in adult onset. One example, maybe nitpicking, but in adult onset the sexual advances etc. come from being manic and thinking one is irresistable and on top of the world, but in the early onset it is a plain HIGH sex drive, as in once a day is not really even enough. There are other issues that differ even more or some that are present in one but not the other., so knowing "when" his bp REALLY started will mean alot in what you are dealing with. My experience is ALL with early onset, myself and my DS. Did your H's doc say whether he thought your H was BP I or BP II....again a whole 'nother set of issues. Welcome to the fun of BP spouse.

When I first read your post, I had to read it a few times to make sure my DW had not written this post. In a way I hope she posts a response to you....she has had 17 yrs of dealing with me and 9 of those not even knowing she was dealing with a BP spouse and me not knowing I was bp either. She would have some GOOD insight to give to you. I can only give you THIS side of this disorder.

Good luck,
tk

P.S. Will talk to DW and see if she would be willing to give you some insight.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:30pm
tinkerbell,
Tk's DW here. As he said above we've been married 17 years and I have been dealing with his rages, anger, depression, et all for 19 years. We wouldn't have even gotten a dx if it had not been for the fact that our DS now almost 16 hadn't had problems from the time he was 3 or 4. He has early onset BP and from reading "The Bipolar Child" by Popalos he had every single sign of early onset from birth. He was very determined to do things his way. Anyway that's another story. From '96 when he was 5 yr we were fighting the school with the ADD/ADHD label but knew that wasn't the story. We finally went to family counciler who recommended the above book. By the time we got through the first chapter we both knew that was our DS. My DH also saw himself in the discription and said he did alot of the same things as a child. It was only after DS had a siezure (we know from ADD med but DR said NO) and got him on Depakote that we really had our answer.
After our marriage almost falling apart due to several reasons my DH and I entered MC and IC for me with the same therapist and IC with a different one for DH. DH decided that he probably should see if medication would help him. He had been fairly able to control it up until now without meds. He started Lamictal about a 3 or 4 months ago (he said above it was 6 months but I don't think it was that long ago). Time doesn't really matter but I did see an almost instant change in his moods. He has been on the current doseage for about a month or more. He still has mood swings but they are no where near as violent as before. He was never physically violent to me or our kids but I know a time or two he put holes in walls and wrecked a car during his rages. Alcahol is defintely a problem wheter on medication or not because it increases the mood swings. I agree that your DH should be taken off all other meds slowly and then see what the Lamictal is doing for him.
Antidepresents do make the mood swings more violent and more common and should not be taken without a Mood stabalizer. This from personal experience watching DH and DS on them and also from reading many articles.
You may want to see if his PDOC will allow you to join him at one of his appointments. You could then ask for more info about BP for both of you. He/she may also be able to tell you which knid he/she thinks it is because there are different types ie early onset, adult onset BP I and BP II. All of this can show you some of what you will be dealing with but every person is different and what works for one or syptoms one has can be totally different in another. Both my DH and I have just found this site after muddling along for so long alone. I have lurked other sites and hadn't posted until my DH asked me to answer your questions from a SO who doesn't have the disorder. We also check out the childrens BP board and a few other boards. If you want to know anything else I'll try to be helpful. I know from experience on prior boards that just having someone understand what you are going through and knowing you aren't alone helps emmensilly.
Take Care and Hang in there/
MC
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 7:50pm

Hear-Hear on the Zoloft. My H actually did well on Wellbutrin, but the Zoloft was nearly the end of end all. (Unfortunately, it had been for his mother - to bad we didn't realize it was the Zoloft that actually pushed her off over the edge.)

Zoloft also does something else strange. From what I read at the Zoloft site, if you're a late on-set alcoholic then the Zoloft can actually help relieve alcoholism, but if youre on early-set alcholic it will make it worse & the cravings harder to control.

So, Zoloft hit my H in a BAD way on two fronts. Which ended up with him having an EA, then while he was psychotic (which I didn't know at at the time) I drove him to the airport to be with this other woman. At that point I wanted him out of the house & that was the only place he would go - so I took him.

And from my research on an AD-triggered manic episode it can put a person into Mixed Mania up to 2 years. There is a bookd a woman wrote about her H who had an AD-triggered episode, it lasted 2 years, when finally he took his life. AD's are scary stuff with bp.

Today we are trying to rebuild our marriage. He's also on Lamactal. He goes to a Dual-Diagnosis Anonymous meeting weekly. B/c of his Zoloft episode he's pdoc will no prescribe him an AD at all. Which I find frustrating. He also takes an antipsychotic every day.

There have been no side-effects from Lamactal. His doc has & will continue to monitor his blood to make sure his blood-glucose or chelostrol doesn't raise significantly (a possible side-effect).

Let me suggest the class Family-to-Family from NAMI. It's a free 12w course which teaches about many depressive illnesses. NAMI is all over the USA with some locations in Canada. Check out their site for a location near you.

F2F Class: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Family-to-Family&lstid=605

Locate NAMI: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Your_Local_NAMI&Template=/CustomSource/AffiliateFinder.cfm&lstid=333

Take care of yourself,
Bonnie




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 9:10pm

Thank you so much for your post. I really am starting from zero knowledge of BP.

So far, he is on week 3 of Lamactil, so 50mg once per day. I did start seeing some decrease in the mood swings, and just hope that it will get better. It seems that he is still 90% checked out of our marriage. Once in a while I see a glimmer of hope, so I hang onto those moments. Hopefully there will be less mood swings, more glimmers of hope.

H was put on Zoloft probably 5 yrs ago for his rage, in particular on the road. He was put on Wellbutrin a few months ago, along with the sleeping pills. That is when I noticed some major issues. That is when the EA started and he checked out of the marriage. He had this "I dont give a f... attitude". I think he saw there was a problem so he agreed to have the psychiatrist check him out. Mind you, this went on for 3 months before getting into the doc. A lot of damage was done in that timeframe. The psychiatrist dx'd him and took him off of the Wellbutrin and the sleeping pills.

He is at a sleep clinic as we speak. He had not been sleeping well when he was not drinking, so he was sent to a specialist. He started drinking, then sleeping better. Didnt drink much yesterday, guess what, didnt sleep well.

I dont think that he has been this bad since I have known him the last 14 years. He has been through bouts of depression though. His father committed suicide and the doc said he would guess that he was BP too. My H's DD was dx'd 2 yrs ago with BP. She refuses to take meds and we are not kept in the informed about her much, so we are not very knowledgable about BP.

Dont know if he was dx'd with I or II. I will have to ask him if he remembers.

Do you have any advice of methods of support I can give? What are things that your DW did or said or didnt say or do that meant something to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 9:17pm
Thank you for your post. I have a lot of information to ponder. It really helps. I feel so completely in the dark and out of the loop on this issue. I wish that my/our therapy sessions were more than once per week. I am so glad that I am on this website.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 9:21pm

Thank you. I will check out the websites. I need all the info I can get. I also need to pick my battles right now. If I mention alchohol being a bad mix, then he switches moods big time. Any progress we will have made will be down the drain. I am hoping that he will see the issue with the alchohol on his own or in therapy. If it comes from me, he interprets it as me controlling him or treating him like a child.

Thanks again, I am going to check out the websites.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 11:11am

Well, I guess I will start at the end of your post and go up. What did DW do that meant alot to me?....well that is a whole 'nother thread and is some of what DW and myself were talking about when we say our marriage almost cratered and I will leave that at that. Anyway, to answer that it will take MORE research on your part and hopefully you H will participate also. There is a book called "The Five Love Languages" that will be REALLY helpful on letting you know what to do for your H to feel supported.

I can relate totally to the "checking out" of the marriage. I am not sure how much was my bp and how much was issues between DW and myself, but yes, been there done that. It is REALLY hard to re-engage in the marriage after getting to that point, but IS possible. Hang on to those glimmers of hope. The EA was because he felt the OW understood him "better". She is very likely bp or mood disorder herself so can relate to where you H is coming from(she may not know or admit to that, but she probably is). Your H felt/feels like you don't, can't, and never will understand what he is going/has gone through. That is a hard pill to swallow, but will give you a frame of reference to operate from(I hope).

With the father having bp and the DD being dx'd with bp(how old was she when dx'd?), I would hazard a guess that your H was early onset bp and has been dealing with this for a LONG time, but was able to function until the Zoloft sent him into the rapid cycling. Zoloft for rage? WTF!? Sorry, but what quack prescribed that?....and the alcohol is DEFINITELY a coping/self medication function. There is a GREAT article on a bp website(I will get you a link and post when I can) that describes what a day in the life of an early onset bp persons life is like. The trouble with sleeping is COMPLETELY due to his bp. Around bed time our mood starts to elevate and we can't shut our mind off and go to sleep....the alcohol is a depressant and does "help" him sleep, but it screws with EVERYTHING else and is not doing him ANY good. I read one of your other posts and understand you are picking your battles....that one would probably be one worth fighting. You/he/pdoc can not REALLY tell how he is doing with that thrown in the mix. I know from personal experience....was well down that road when DW got pregnant with DS and "we" quit drinking because of the pregnancy. After I quit, I noticed a difference in my moods and attitude. I was getting pretty out of control before that and almost broke my hand a few times punching dumpsters and steel doors(did that rather that punching someone).

Also, this may be a little personal, but did your H want ALOT of sex before these other sexual problems cropped up? If this is early onset bp, that would be a pretty good indicator, from what I have read and experienced. If this is early onset another book to read would be "The Bi-Polar Child". I realize that your H is an adult, but the symptoms are all the same, even after a "child" grows up. Our reactions change with maturity, but the base symptoms are the same. It is kind of hard to explain, but with the reading I have done and the living I have done there is a different "set" of symptoms for early onset. Something to look into anyway and if your H is willing, have him read this book also and see if it does not describe his childhood. Realize, I am talking from personal experience, I am NOT a pdoc(THAT is a whole 'nother rant ALSO) and I am NOT making a diagnosis, but you really need to know what type bp you are dealing with to know what you are going to experience with your H.

I am also concerned that the pdoc did not take your H off of Zoloft. What I have seen, experienced and read, the pdoc should have stopped the Zoloft and left the Wellbutrin. My DS is on Depakote and Wellbutrin and his pdoc did not use Zoloft due to it's interaction with bp. Something to research a little more and dig into. You will find with bp that you WILL be arguing and fighting with pdoc's about meds, etc. BP is a very misunderstood and misdx'd mood disorder and some pdocs will try and treat ALL the co-concurrent symptoms AT THE SAME TIME, rather than letting a mood stabilizer do its work and THEN see what other co-concurrent symptoms STILL need controlling meds. This is very frustrating disorder and you are in the MOST frustrating part of the disorder. The trying to find what meds will work and what meds cause problems and what meds your H just flat out don't respond to.

Hang in there and keep fighting....it is possible to live and love with a bp person....interesting at times, but possible. Your are on the right track by doing all the research you can and learning as much as you can about the disorder. Researching how to support is a worthwhile pursuit also. If you can stick with your H through this and still be there when he turns things around and starts to stabilize, your efforts WILL be remembered. Well I know I appreciate all my DW has done to understand me and what I have gone through.

Good luck, we are all pulling for you,
tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 9:30pm
Wow. So many similarities (for instance, H has broke hand 3 times from punching walls, doors instead of people). I have some books to look for, articles, website and so forth to go through and these posts are so informative. We will be on vacation next week so I am hoping for some bonding time. Thanks again for the support and advice. I am pretty exhausted right now, so I am going to keep it short tonight. Will check in another time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 9:24am

Here is the article I was talking about. See if things fit. Like I said before, the book this was excerpted out of could be worth checking out if this description seems to fit you H's day.

http://bipolarchild.com/newsletters/0605.html

Hummmm, don't know why that didn't post as a direct link, but copy and paste into your browser.

Have fun on your vacation,
tk

Well I see it DID post as a link. In the typing block didn't look like a link.




Edited 10/12/2006 9:55 am ET by txknight
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