Ready to Sober up

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
Ready to Sober up
18
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:43am

Hi everyone-

I have been lurking on this board for months, and MAS. Never felt I was ready to post anywhere until today.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 10:20am

Welcome to EAS, you are among women who understand what it is to be addicted to something so disgusting and destroying as an A. We have all been there. You are not alone. We stoop so low during our A, I honestly think that we enter into some sort of mind loss. We are not defined by our A. There are those of us who made it out and look back and can't believe the stupid stuff we did during our A. I, for one, don't even know the woman I was in the A. I can't believe how low I stooped. But there is hope. Today is the day that you can put an end to this once and for all and never look back. Today you can start anew and don't dwell on who you were and what you did during the A, but look forward to an honest and respectful life. One where your children can look up to you. Stay on EAS and read everything. Post when you feel like texting or calling him, but don't go back down that dark, ugly road again. You wouldn't want to have a D-Day and embarrass your child, would you? I know of an experience where an A was found out (i.e. soccer coach and mom), and it was a disaster. So many times soccer coaches go through the mom's like a whirlwind. I am willing to bet you aren't the only one.

Stop now while you can before you destroy your child and your family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 11:55am

Dorrie,

It's time to pour that last bit of alcohol down the drain, block/delete all avenues of contact, tell your ego you are done listening to it, and walk away with whatever dignity you have left.

Continue reading this board, look for "Landslide's" posts (she just wrote on one of the threads yesterday) and PM her if you want a cyber buddy who has been through the coach/MM disaster too. She has just ended her A (again) and we want to see her AND you become successful enders who are through with the addiction, the drama, and the insanity of an A.

It doesn't matter WHO ended it as long as it is over. This is not a "getting in the last word" situation. It is about "getting OUT of what may be your last chance" at saving yourself and the people who love and depend upon you.

Welcome to EAS and let us know what you are doing to make sure this A ending sticks this time.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 12:00pm
Hi, Dorrie,

It may not feel like it now, but his rejection is the best thing he did for you to stop your downward spiral. It's CRAZY how we jeopardize all we hold dear for this addiction!

Use the anger productively by focusing on all the negative aspects of the A - read everything in HL and the DDay stories.


If it was't for EAS, I would have been the fisher as well and turned into a despicable, pathetic person. Stop before you turn into that woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 6:39pm

Hey you guys--thank you for your responses! I had a good NC day. Day one! yesterday I emailed him a pathetic begging email..I am so ashamed to admit it. And then I promptly deleted that account so I will never know if he wrote back. I am probably one email away from a restraining order! He thinks I am crazy..that I am not "facing facts" but oh, I am. I also called his cell phone but hung up. Am I a lost cause? I want to escape this,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:28pm
Dorrie, it breaks my heart to listen to the words you use to describe yourself: "a pathetic begging fool"??? What kind of a message are you sending to your children by allowing yourself to feel this way?? Woman, you need to start acting with some strength and integrity and self-respect, starting right now. And if you don't feel that way inside, then you need to fake it til you make it.

You are a married woman with a wonderful husband. Your child's soccer coach, who is married to another woman, won't have sex with you. That's cause for celebration, not humiliation!!

I know it hurts like he!l right now. We have all been there. It does get better, but only when YOU choose to make it better by commiting yourself to NC. Only when you take back control of your thoughts and and find some positive mantras to replace the toxic self-talk. Only when you decide what sort of a person you want to be and make a plan for getting there.

If you stick with us, and stick to NC, within 3 months you'll see that his decision to end the hurt and humiliation of this A was the best thing that could ever have happened to you. Being freed from an A is a gift, not a punishment. I promise.

You can do this Dorrie. Your family needs you.

Sending you lots of courage and conviction from Australia

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 12:27am
Dorrie,
Who cares who dumped who? It doesn't really matter. At this point your silence and your happiness is the best revenge. If you have LC because of his coaching ... DO NOT let him see you sweat. Do not let him catch you looking at him. He is invisible, and you are happier than ever. Fake it till you make it. Believe me when you start acting like you don't care you will feel less defeated and then it will just happen. You just really WON'T care anymore.

Glad you had a good first day otherwise :)

Chechi
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2010
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 7:10am

Chechi and Kat--thank you. I wish I could fly to australia and escape this and the next five soccer games! MY husband would never come to practice..(he was working) and that is how it started. Now I do not linger at practice, and I am making my husband go to every game. Some games without me! That is my plan.

I have been so filled with pain and anxiety over his rejecting me that I was failing to see the big picture. That he did me a favor. That he saved me from ME. I suppose I should thank him for that. I never knew I could be so weak, I will never comprehend the POWER he has over me. IT is just bizarre and something I have never experienced.

I am in so many ways over him..he annoyed me in so many ways. If I didn't see him or talk to him I felt nothing big for him. It is in person that I lose it. I guess I should chalk that up to some awful chemical attraction?

It doesn't matter. I keep repeating that to myself. Did I mention his wife accused him of having an A with me? That is part of his freaking out obviously. At the time I felt so abandoned by him, now I see, as this fog lifts, he is doing what he has to do.

So many ugly emotions are at play in these relationships, so few nice ones! I am not sure how I got so hooked on feel goods that were few and far between.

I slept last night in peace for the first time in a long time. Like I knew it was over and I am okay with it. And I have great hope that one day I will not care as much, that one day seeing him won't bug me. Is that true you guys?

One odd thing is..he never said "don't contact me. leave me alone" he never changed his number or deleted his emails! IT is like he always wants the door to be open, but I have to walk through it and beg. I tried that and he just said NO. I swear he gets off on it! Not sure why you would allow someone you care about to humiliate herself! But I suppose we need to file that too under "IT DOESN'T MATTER"

so, day 2. I feel good.

thank you EAS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 7:23am
Dorrie, you're welcome to come and visit us in Australia anytime :) I'm so glad to hear you're sleeping easier and that the fog is starting to lift. Great plan asking your H to go to soccer. These A's are as addictive (and as toxic) as any drug, there's no doubt about it.

Hang in there, you're doing great.

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 8:34am
You'd have to come to the great state of Georgia to come visit me! :)

A good nights sleep does wonders too' glad to hear it!

C
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 9:16am
Chechi - I didn't know you were a GA girl too!
Photobucket

Pages