D-day and Birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
D-day and Birthday
6
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 10:18am
Today is my birthday. And last night I had my d day. It was awful. My DH has had suspicions all along and last night told me it was now or never. I came clean. I have hurt another person so badly, it is the most painful thing in the world to witness. MY selfish actions has caused this person who I love, and has loved me for 22 years to feel the most pain he has ever felt (his words).
When i asked him if he was divorcing me, he said "no way...I will work through anything with you.". This is the kind of man I have been lying to, cheating on, and blaming for my actions. Ugh. How I am worthy of this man's love....I don't know. I have been in T for 2 months already, and he will join me now. Tough things to work out and tough issues to figure out about myself.

I did ask him to be my partner in remaining NC. He said he would. That I could tell him if xAP was trying to contact me or if I was feeling a pull. Do you think that is selfish to ask for his help? Especially when I have just destroyed his world?

Anyone who has been through dray, please, any advice?
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 10:34am

I think you are very lucky to have a man who is willing to help you. I see it as a bond of faith in you that he is standing there side by side with you to fight this. This is a highly stressful time between the two of you, and I think it is important to be open and as honest as you possibly can.

DDays are the scariest part of A's and we should remember that it can happen at anytime to any of us. It is that old thing that I harp about, being prepared. Does anyone have an idea of what you are going to do, "IF"

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 10:48am

((Daisy))

I am glad

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2011
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 11:03am
I am sorry about posting in the wrong place. I will move to the other boards you mentioned. I have so many things happening at once, ending, dday, NC, I am so confused on where I belong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 11:05am

You belong right here, Daisy, if you need support for the aftermath of your A, but if you want advice on saving your M, there are other boards more suitable. That is all I was trying to convey.

I have started a thread in the Married OM/OW section for those of you facing a recent

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 12:43pm

I think it is very honorable for you to ask your DH to partner with you in resisting the temptation with your XAP, and your DH is a real keeper. Please try not to hurt him again. I can tell you, that all my life, I was the kind of person who "kept secrets." I have been M a long time and I never, ever told the truth about things prior to T and my A. I didn't outright lie (well during my A, I lied so much that I would have been classified as a sociopath by some experts), but I just used silence as a way to deceive my DH and other ppl in my life. My awakening through T has been that I totally exposed myself to my DH and tell him EVERYTHING and it was really scary at first but I find it to be liberating now. Now I can't wait to tell my DH things and share everything with him. We were laying in bed this weekend and I was talking so much that he started laughing really hard and he told me that it's

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 4:36pm
Daisy - please see MW page for more responses as requested by Iddy.