Complete meltdown this eve ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Complete meltdown this eve ...
9
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 6:27pm
Felt it building all day as was dressed at work. Went out with friends and lost it in car on way home. Feel so guilty, stupid, lost and still hurt. Still no contact outside of work. Go for so long then crumble. Is this normal for 3.5 weeks? Need some strength from you - help to stay positive. Am not tempted back but can't seem to let the feelings go.

Thanku x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 6:34pm
Yellowone, we should have warned you. Three weeks is a notoriously crappy time. The emotions that initially motivated you to say "enough" are starting to fade and your new ways of thinking are not quite established enough to hold you steady. You know that you're making progress but not as fast as you like, and if you're anything like me, you just want to be over and done with feeling lost and hurt. It's a phase. It will pass. Just focus on everything you've learned so far, read lots in the HL, and ride it out.

Big hugs

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 6:44pm

As usual, Kat gave some wonderful advice :)

3.5 weeks is still very early, even though to you it feels like a lifetime.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 6:51pm
Hi Yellow,
3.5 weeks is GREAT, i dont recall how long your affair was but the guideline that it takes half the length of time of the A for things to seem really much much better. I found it to be true, so unless yr affair was 6 weeks long.... stay strong.. you ARE over the hardest bit, but that doesnt mean it gets much easier but you are stronger and everyone day is another day out from the fog.... DAY by DAY
NC x

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2011
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 7:17pm

It is so very normal for 3.5 wks. I found myself bursting into tears very often on my way home in the car, as soon as I walked in the door and whenever I had free time to think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 04-13-2011 - 9:51pm
I am SO proud of you - WOW you have come SO far. Please see how much of the mountain you have already climbed ... stop looking only to the top to see how far to go, and appreciate how far you have come!

Getting through the next 3.5 weeks and then the next WON'T be the same as the first. As long as you stick to LC, you will NEVER EVER have to do these first few BRUTAL weeks again. YOU will never ever have to detox again. CELEBRATE that yellow ... YOU HAD THE COURAGE to do what many people only wish they could do with such grace - you have ended an affair, and YOU know that YOU are TOO valuable to think twice about giving up on yourself.

YOU now can begin to feel how much you truly are worth.

Stay the course ... YOU will be AMAZED at how time can heal.

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Thu, 04-14-2011 - 12:34am
Yep yellow 3 weeks sucked. It felt unbearable. I guess for the reasons that Kat posted. But also for me it was becoming very real. He wasn't coming back. I mean I knew it all along but wow that realization just killed me. Even though I had shut what lines of communication down that I could, I wanted him to find me. For ONCE be clever! Prove to me that I hadn't wasted my time. I wanted him to validate my pain.

You're doing fine and this too shall pass.

Chechi
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Thu, 04-14-2011 - 3:10am
Thanks all. Chechi - you have described exactly where I a m at. Am staying the course- stricter LC at work today and I will ride it out. Xxx

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Thu, 04-14-2011 - 5:24am
Oh Yellow. Yes 3 weeks is the hard time!!!! It's exactly what Kat said- the initial motivation has gone off the boil but those strong self feelings ( still waiting for those:) are yet to come through.

I reckon every 3 weeks you go through s slump but they definately get better!!!!!
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Thu, 04-14-2011 - 8:06am
Ah my girl - 3 weeks is the point where you really begin to do hard work. Kat gave amazing advice, and I am sorry that you are hurting. She is right - dig in and stay the course. You can do this. I should say too, 3 weeks is the typical timeframe that xAP's who fish, or who have tried to "be friends" will become more earnest a bit more diligently with their efforts. This point of time it does get harder, it does take more purposeful pre-planning to stick to things. You have been doing so well. Hold your distance and have faith that it will be worth it.
Three weeks may not seem like a long time, but for me it was the beginning of a lot of free writing that helped me work through some major issues I was having - writing in a journal, or in a private blog (I have a public one, and one that I can only see) that are not stored on my personal possessions - where I can air my feelings and somehow put them out into the universe.
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