i don't want to do the medication dance again.from the past week of almost acid trip like geodon reactions to the chronic insomnia to the risk of gaining 75 pounds(while starving)when it took me almost a year to lose 10. i'm just not willing. there isn't a moment in my day that brings me joy.& my quality of life will not improve if i have to throw up everyday or be uncontrollably fat. maybe i should go back to dr. badboy.
sorry if it offends...but no ...dieting & gaining weight at the same time does not equal sanity or quality of life for me.anyway..i've snapped...i'm going on one week of 45 minutes of sleep each night.it's being a guinea pig that made me turn out like this.my children are suffering i am suffeing & i'd rather be dead than feel like this
I know it does sucks for us bipolars and other people with mental illness. We all have to go through so many meds to find the right one and the wrong ones can makes us miserable sometimes.
It doesn't sound like you really want to fight through all the med changes, so why bother? You don't have to. You can stop all meds if you choose. It sounds like the thought of meds and finding one to help stability is too much for you to do right now, so why bother?
Gaining weight is a downer, I know. I deal with my weight all the time. I chose to take meds reguardless so I can be a better mom, gf, sister...etc, but not everyone can do this. Not everyone wants to put up with the damn side effects from the meds, and you know what the great news is? WE HAVE A CHOICE...we can take them or not. So, see, Suzi, you don't have to take them. It is your choice.
There is a limit to how much anybody can take with things, and it sounds like you have reached your limit with the meds! The beauty is that we always have options. A PP mentioned taking a break from the meds. That is an option. Trying a different med even though you don't like the potential side effects. Lots of meds say a possible side effect of weight gain. It's not something any of us want, the weight gain, but it really is worth it when you feel normal inside. I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable any day!
You are a strong woman and you can get through this.
bottom line... i am crashing from an extreme manic episode. it's from coming off a med cause my last doc misprescribed & i was left with none.because he also had me so dependant on sleep meds i have forgotten how to sleep.i can take tylenol pm or some leftover rozerum & i still manage only 2 stints of 45 minutes each a night.i'm hallucinating from lack of sleep & my h will profess his love butwill not offer to stay home & do the 2 hours of driving i have to do eachday.even on saturday he tried to get me to cancel my tdoc instead of offering to take me there.this was after i scared the heck out of my kids by trying to put my head thru a plate glass window. bottom line.i have no one.i had to tell my mother i had the flu in order to avoid being yelled at for being sick again i hear an underlying judgement in not wanting to be fat from meds. if i eat & get fat that is my own doing.anyone who ever had an eating disorder knows that nOT being in control of your body is devastating & to have to diet stringently in order to keep from crossing the line to obese & STILL BE FAT is unacceptable.hungry fat & desperately dissatisfied & humiliated.huffing & puffing & not being able to keep up w/ the kids not to mention the people who talk about you & ask you why you got so fat right to your face. also...if someone gets electrocuted the are very unlikely to try again.when a med makes you sick as a dog you don't relish repeating the process. nope.sometimes dead is better.
Suzi, (((Big Hugs))) to you! I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. As someone else suggested...have you considered inpatient? It was great for me when I did. My meds got all straightened out, and the group sessions were very helpful. I hope you start feeling better soon. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Suzi - I don't know what else to say. Your kids need you, your h needs you, we need you here. We'd all be devastated if you gave up. I know what it's like to crash after a manic episode......most of us here do. I know that the potential for weight gain is really bothering you, but as Marci said most of the meds have that listed as a *possible* side effect. Not all of them actually make you gain weight. Depressive episodes suck big time, I'll be the first to admit that, but I've got 3 kids who need me and I can't give up on them. Maybe now is the time to consider going inpatient. Not a thrilling prospect I'll grant you, but if it can help you isn't it worth it?
Nobody can tell you what to do and as many others have said it's a choice that is up to you to make. I just know that we'd all be very sorry to see anything bad happen to you. Think about all the advice you've received and go from there. Hang in there hon. Keep us posted.
my wonderful h & why i asked for a divorce this morning. he's known since fri that i had to see my new pdoc today.she's affordable & gives out samples. however he decides to wake me up this morning..i finally fell asleep after being up since midnite...to ask me to "pretend" to forget my check for the new pdoc. wtf??? adding to this...i had given him over 1000$ to use for vet visiys only...so he wouldn't groan & complain when i had to take an animal in..besides..i've scheduled the dog's operation next month.that money was for that & THAT ONLY. but its gone.he needed it to "pay for stuff" which is not what i gave it to him for nor will it ever be in the acct for that again. in essence...me..w/ no income "paid for stuff" certainly not anything we need. so for him to wake me up after i had just gotten to sleep & tell me at the last minute to lie to my new doc sent me ballistic. you know when you feel the whole world is so in it for themselves they forget you althoghter? never felt so alone
Pages
There's always hope...no matter what.
God could not be everywhere, so
i'm just not willing.
there isn't a moment in my day that brings me joy.& my quality of life will not improve if i have to throw up everyday or be uncontrollably fat.
maybe i should go back to dr. badboy.
Suzi,
I know it does sucks for us bipolars and other people with mental illness. We all have to go through so many meds to find the right one and the wrong ones can makes us miserable sometimes.
It doesn't sound like you really want to fight through all the med changes, so why bother? You don't have to. You can stop all meds if you choose. It sounds like the thought of meds and finding one to help stability is too much for you to do right now, so why bother?
Gaining weight is a downer, I know. I deal with my weight all the time. I chose to take meds reguardless so I can be a better mom, gf, sister...etc, but not everyone can do this. Not everyone wants to put up with the damn side effects from the meds, and you know what the great news is? WE HAVE A CHOICE...we can take them or not. So, see, Suzi, you don't have to take them. It is your choice.
I hope you feel better.
Tina
~ Tina ~
There is a limit to how much anybody can take with things, and it sounds like you have reached your limit with the meds! The beauty is that we always have options. A PP mentioned taking a break from the meds. That is an option. Trying a different med even though you don't like the potential side effects. Lots of meds say a possible side effect of weight gain. It's not something any of us want, the weight gain, but it really is worth it when you feel normal inside. I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable any day!
You are a strong woman and you can get through this.
i am crashing from an extreme manic episode.
it's from coming off a med cause my last doc misprescribed & i was left with none.because he also had me so dependant on sleep meds i have forgotten how to sleep.i can take tylenol pm or some leftover rozerum & i still manage only 2 stints of 45 minutes each a night.i'm hallucinating from lack of sleep & my h will profess his love butwill not offer to stay home & do the 2 hours of driving i have to do eachday.even on saturday he tried to get me to cancel my tdoc instead of offering to take me there.this was after i scared the heck out of my kids by trying to put my head thru a plate glass window.
bottom line.i have no one.i had to tell my mother i had the flu in order to avoid being yelled at for being sick again
i hear an underlying judgement in not wanting to be fat from meds.
if i eat & get fat that is my own doing.anyone who ever had an eating disorder knows that nOT being in control of your body is devastating & to have to diet stringently in order to keep from crossing the line to obese & STILL BE FAT is unacceptable.hungry fat & desperately dissatisfied & humiliated.huffing & puffing & not being able to keep up w/ the kids not to mention the people who talk about you & ask you why you got so fat right to your face.
also...if someone gets electrocuted the are very unlikely to try again.when a med makes you sick as a dog you don't relish repeating the process.
nope.sometimes dead is better.
Suzi,
(((Big Hugs))) to you! I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. As someone else suggested...have you considered inpatient? It was great for me when I did. My meds got all straightened out, and the group sessions were very helpful. I hope you start feeling better soon. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Renee
Suzi - I don't know what else to say. Your kids need you, your h needs you, we need you here. We'd all be devastated if you gave up. I know what it's like to crash after a manic episode......most of us here do. I know that the potential for weight gain is really bothering you, but as Marci said most of the meds have that listed as a *possible* side effect. Not all of them actually make you gain weight. Depressive episodes suck big time, I'll be the first to admit that, but I've got 3 kids who need me and I can't give up on them. Maybe now is the time to consider going inpatient. Not a thrilling prospect I'll grant you, but if it can help you isn't it worth it?
Nobody can tell you what to do and as many others have said it's a choice that is up to you to make. I just know that we'd all be very sorry to see anything bad happen to you. Think about all the advice you've received and go from there. Hang in there hon. Keep us posted.
Hugs,
Traci
he's known since fri that i had to see my new pdoc today.she's affordable & gives out samples.
however he decides to wake me up this morning..i finally fell asleep after being up since midnite...to ask me to "pretend" to forget my check for the new pdoc.
wtf???
adding to this...i had given him over 1000$ to use for vet visiys only...so he wouldn't groan & complain when i had to take an animal in..besides..i've scheduled the dog's operation next month.that money was for that & THAT ONLY.
but its gone.he needed it to "pay for stuff"
which is not what i gave it to him for nor will it ever be in the acct for that again.
in essence...me..w/ no income "paid for stuff"
certainly not anything we need.
so for him to wake me up after i had just gotten to sleep & tell me at the last minute to lie to my new doc sent me ballistic.
you know when you feel the whole world is so in it for themselves they forget you althoghter?
never felt so alone
Pages