Pushing him to end it
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Pushing him to end it
| Mon, 04-18-2011 - 3:06pm |
Hi all,
I've been lurking for a long time. Through everything I've read on here and other boards - and more importantly - what I know in my heart AND my head, I need to end my A asap. It is sucking the life out of me - the guilt, the obsessing...you all know the drill. My STBxAP is a pro at the game. He feels little guilt and he compartmentalizes very well. I believe he would like this to continue for eternity - or until we get caught.
I've ended things with him a million times. He always asks me to reconsider - and I do because I am do not have 100% conviction. I start fights - and he called me out on it. He told me he knew I was trying to get him to end it. I've been like this my whole life. Unable to make decisions and many times I push the envelope so a decision is made for me. And when that happens? I hate it and it's not usually the right one.
I need help. I need to end this before a dday occurs and blow apart the world of so many innocent people. I need it to end before he does it and I feel even more rejected. I need to end it because it is plain and simple wrong and is causing me so much more pain than pleasure. Maybe I need a lobotomy? But short of that, I need help making a final decision and sticking with it. I want peace.
Any help would be so greatly appreciated.
I've been lurking for a long time. Through everything I've read on here and other boards - and more importantly - what I know in my heart AND my head, I need to end my A asap. It is sucking the life out of me - the guilt, the obsessing...you all know the drill. My STBxAP is a pro at the game. He feels little guilt and he compartmentalizes very well. I believe he would like this to continue for eternity - or until we get caught.
I've ended things with him a million times. He always asks me to reconsider - and I do because I am do not have 100% conviction. I start fights - and he called me out on it. He told me he knew I was trying to get him to end it. I've been like this my whole life. Unable to make decisions and many times I push the envelope so a decision is made for me. And when that happens? I hate it and it's not usually the right one.
I need help. I need to end this before a dday occurs and blow apart the world of so many innocent people. I need it to end before he does it and I feel even more rejected. I need to end it because it is plain and simple wrong and is causing me so much more pain than pleasure. Maybe I need a lobotomy? But short of that, I need help making a final decision and sticking with it. I want peace.
Any help would be so greatly appreciated.

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You know what you need to do if you have been lurking. Block and walk. Delete and block phone and email and go no contact.
We are here to post too when it gets tough and it will. But you can do this.
Good luck and look forward to seeing you on this board.
Yellowone. Xx
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~
You know in your heart and your head that you need to end it. This A is sucking the life out of you.
Just do it KG. Send a short final email if you have to, then BLOCK and WALK. That's all there is to it. The rest we can help you with once you've taken the plunge.
This is a Board for enders. We hope you'll be joining us soon :)
Big hugs
Kat
Hello,
What would you tell someone who was saying the following to you about actions she was choosing:
OK. I'm gonna jump. And please be waiting with a big warm towel for me...thank you.
believe me ... you must do this. my affair cost me a job, my marriage, friends ... please end your affair. Go through the pain - it is ONLY PAIN. it will NOT kill you. Acknowledge the pain, CELEBRATE your strength, and start reading your butt off.
We wanna welcome you here - to the beginning of the rest of your life.
Warm towel waiting,
TU.
The send button needs to be pushed. I have it all written and ready to go. You are so right and I must remember I have been through many painful times in my life and I survived.
COURAGE. DISCIPLINE. CONVICTION.
Thank you for sharing your story.
PLEASE read that email and ENSURE it has NO romantic - pie in the sky BS! A simple:
"This is over. I will no longer communicate with you in any way, and this includes responding to ANY form of communication you may attempt to have with me."
RIP the bandage off - leave NO room for wondering. This isn't the time to play nice or worry about how he is left feeling. I am serious. This is the KINDEST thing you can do! You are cutting off his supply of poisonous toxins as much as you are cutting off your own.
PLEASE care enough about yourself and all the innocent people involved to do the right thing right.
You don't have to be ready to end your affair - you just need to have enough insight to see (even temporarily) the insanity of your choices. HIT SEND. and then BLOCK his email addresses, phone numbers etc .. because you are NO LONGER going to wait for him for a response. YOU will be moving on with your life and what he thinks and feels DOES NOT MATTER.
Repeat:
HE/IT DOES NOT MATTER.
if there was a gunman circling your home threatening to hurt each and every person you loved inside, would you open the door and welcome them in? Would you apologize for taking action to protect them? Well - then - get on with it already.
Hello, like what exactly IS your story with him? I mean, affairs are so incredible. They are different. What did he do to you?
I'm a little confused with this thread.
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