i'm so alone i'm not used to this i'm
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i'm so alone i'm not used to this i'm
| Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:58pm |
aLL alone.
my h is NOT maintaining the house which belongs to my mother.he often ventures into the danger zone by not fixing gas leaks,the chimney sweep.our gas bill is high b/c we have broken windows in the attic.so he stole the money from me to pay it & then asked me to lie to my new pdoc & say i was too distraught to remember my check.
my husband makes a good living..he makes over 125,000 per year.i have lent him over 100,000 of my savings to get out of debt.
he wracked up a credit card in my name without my knowledge.i paid to clear my credit.
i hate him.
he blames everything on my illness.
our dishwasher is broken & has been for a long time.i cannot put the dog in the kitchen b/c of the exposed wires.he still uses this broken dishwasher which smashed all the brand new dishes i had bought to replace the chipped ones
he says he's sorry & pretends nothing happened.i'm not allowed to answer the phone cause it could be someone asking for money.
i want him OUT.
yesterday he said he'd leave when the house was fixed up again.he once told my children they would live w/ him b/c i was mentally ill.i told him when he drinks & smokes pot you can't wake him for ANYTHING & he's inchoherent for hours.he says..yes,but i can stop.
he'd never be able to afford a sitter.he'd have to get a willing wife.
so i contact my mother(who is living her fantasy life & thinks buying us stuff makes up for it.sometimes i think its more important to her to impress her step children)
i'm thinking..i'd have to get this place in shape to sell,find a place that takes kids & animals & find work that coincides w/ my children's different school schedules..
she tells me.
wow.it sounds like youre not in a happy place!
why don't you get a job in the school system!
i basically wrote her back that she could bite me.
i've never been so abandoned in my life.it's the perfect time to take a visit to the verrazano bridge.
my h is NOT maintaining the house which belongs to my mother.he often ventures into the danger zone by not fixing gas leaks,the chimney sweep.our gas bill is high b/c we have broken windows in the attic.so he stole the money from me to pay it & then asked me to lie to my new pdoc & say i was too distraught to remember my check.
my husband makes a good living..he makes over 125,000 per year.i have lent him over 100,000 of my savings to get out of debt.
he wracked up a credit card in my name without my knowledge.i paid to clear my credit.
i hate him.
he blames everything on my illness.
our dishwasher is broken & has been for a long time.i cannot put the dog in the kitchen b/c of the exposed wires.he still uses this broken dishwasher which smashed all the brand new dishes i had bought to replace the chipped ones
he says he's sorry & pretends nothing happened.i'm not allowed to answer the phone cause it could be someone asking for money.
i want him OUT.
yesterday he said he'd leave when the house was fixed up again.he once told my children they would live w/ him b/c i was mentally ill.i told him when he drinks & smokes pot you can't wake him for ANYTHING & he's inchoherent for hours.he says..yes,but i can stop.
he'd never be able to afford a sitter.he'd have to get a willing wife.
so i contact my mother(who is living her fantasy life & thinks buying us stuff makes up for it.sometimes i think its more important to her to impress her step children)
i'm thinking..i'd have to get this place in shape to sell,find a place that takes kids & animals & find work that coincides w/ my children's different school schedules..
she tells me.
wow.it sounds like youre not in a happy place!
why don't you get a job in the school system!
i basically wrote her back that she could bite me.
i've never been so abandoned in my life.it's the perfect time to take a visit to the verrazano bridge.

We're with you "suzi". Sounds like your H has the problem, not you. I am not a lawyer so I can't tell you how things would shake out in a divorce, much less a "nasty" one. Here's hoping you can find your way clear to where you need to be.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
tk
my years long stalker...i admit i'd allowed this happily married upstanding member of his church mr. talent mr. high power job mr. ex substance abuser all 12 steps complted convince me to indulge in some lewd behavior in the past.manic times.he knows my history.he's seen me destroy lives & altho once upon a time he was veeery veery good at finding the girl i was who thought she had no right to say no& often i did it just to get rid of him(what is WRONG with me?),when i finally found my voice he refused to hear it.
i put my foot down.do not call.do not stop by.
he tried to make friends again & each time tried to get laid.
for days the phone has been ringing & i knew it would till i picked it up.
"HI.its your FRIEND"
i said not now..he said he was only calling to see how i was.i said "sure"..but if you call me again the NEXT call i make is to your wife.GOT IT?"
you know what he said?
he said he hoped i was "feeling better" soon.he could see i was "troubled"
you know when you think the WHOLE WORLD IS OKAY just not you?& how people can make you feel real small in an instant?
Hey Suzi...hon...first of all, many hugs...i hope you won't take this the wrong way...okay?
YOU HAVE THE POWER to make these changes!!! ONLY you do...H isn't going anywhere...H isn't going to "fix" anything...
Don't listen to him...don't listen to your mom.
YOU CAN BE HAPPY AGAIN, YOU CAN HAVE A LIFE.
I promise.
i am entirely helpless.i live in my mother's freaking house & she can put me on the street whenever she wants.if i get a divorce my sweet mother will tell me to find a job & a place to live.basically she did in her email.she wanted to know if he sent her rent checks.
remember 2 days after i got out of the hospital she sat me down to tell me that she wanted to talk to me but didn't want me to yell or leave the room & proceded to tell me my house was a filthy mess my children's beds were never made i never had food on the table(hmmm..i had been gone for 3 weeks)the only place that looked neat was my own room
& i had completely inconvenienced her & WHAT WAS I GONNA DO ABOUT IT.
just this morning i went off on my kids for their carelessness(b/c i DO clean up afterthem.they just mess it up)& told them i GOT IN TROUBLE W/MY MOTHER B/C THEY DON'T GIVE A ****
if my h moves out he has ALL MY MONEY & my BROTHER has the REST OF MY MONEY cause my mother told me he needed it & i didn't.my h pissed my money away.my mania pissed a good amount & NO I HAVE NOTHING & how am i gonna do anything with 3 small children with different school schedules a new puppy & not a willing to help family member in sight?
I AM ALL ALONE.I HAVE NOTHING.
Okay woman...listen to me and listen good...you have power WITHIN YOURSELF that you have to FIND. You are allowing a man and your mother to cause you to want to die...YOU MUST get control of your situation. Yes, its going to be VERY hard...but look at me, for instance. When dh and I separated, it killed me, or tried to...I make $35k a year in a city where that's not much above poverty level...there are some months that I have no food in my house...I BARELY make it...but you know what? Its getting better...even though I don't have any money...I live in a small apartment, with a 16 y/o ds who is very needy...and requires a lot of tending to...I have no money for any extras, all that goes to my ds...I guess my point is, no, its not easy...but if you really want to be better, you can be.
I found within myself a strength that I didn't know I had...you have to do the same thing.
I know you're a fighter...I've known that for a long long time...think back, and you'll see it too...
Hugs.