I appreciate you telling us your story, and would like to welcome you to the board. It's good to know that lurkers read here, garner the knowledge and wisdom that others share, and finally find the strength to pull themselves up by the boot straps and do the "walk." We can talk and talk about how unfairly we've been treated and used, but that is not going to put a stop to the insanity of an affair. We have to make that choice sooner or later that something's got to give...and that usually turns out to be the "love and respect" we need to give back to ourselves.
I hope you keep posting here and share in the other threads. You seem to have many good insights to offer and being that you've stopped 7 weeks before, and are now up to 5 weeks currently, I know you have what it takes to finally put this behind you for good. Unfortunately, many who cheat are on the prowl because they "Just wanted to" and have no other intention other than to punch another notch in their egotistical belt. We fool ourselves into believing that we are special, needed, wanted, desired, but the truth is, we were just convenient or available. I work with my Xmm and finally had to realize just how "available" I really was, and how he didn't have to walk any further than a few feet to get what he wanted. I made it so easy for him, all the while lying to myself for 4.5 years that Xmm couldn't live without me. <
Stick with your NC and you will be completely "free at last", once all of the first year anniversaries/birthdays have passed, and all of those triggers have faded to a mere spec of "Whatever." :smileywink:
I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you here, but so pleased that you found our community. I felt exactly the same way when I first stumbled across EAS, and agree with everything you said. This Board
the 5 weeks NC comes after 6 years of mixed contact (started casual fling, became "friendly" for a few years, ended in A) and many many MANY attempts at NC and then losing to the horrid withdrawals that came just minutes, hours, days after trying to break it off. I used to think that meant "love". Now I think it meant "addiction"!
Free, I was in an A with a MM for six years too. And I would probably still be there now without the support of the amazing women (and men) on this Board!
I'm coming up to 3 months NC any day now and I can hardly believe the difference EAS has made in my life. My anxiety disorder has resolved entirely, my self-loathing guilt is gradually starting to fade, my love and admiration for my H are strengthening by the day, and my days are filled with joy and laughter. And today when faced with a trigger from the A, I actually rolled my eyes and thought "whatever" before I even realised what I was doing!! When I stumbled across this site on 24 January - blinded with tears and self-doubt - I would never have thought that my life could change so much in three months.
It's wonderful to hear the strength of resolve in your posts. You really are commited to ending this, and I'm backing you to succeed.:)
Sounds like you are well grounded in dealing with this. Stay here with us - your experience and insights will help others and we will be here for you.
Take care
yellowone
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~
Welcome.
Free~
I appreciate you telling us your story, and would like to welcome you to the board. It's good to know that lurkers read here, garner the knowledge and wisdom that others share, and finally find the strength to pull themselves up by the boot straps and do the "walk." We can talk and talk about how unfairly we've been treated and used, but that is not going to put a stop to the insanity of an affair. We have to make that choice sooner or later that something's got to give...and that usually turns out to be the "love and respect" we need to give back to ourselves.
I hope you keep posting here and share in the other threads. You seem to have many good insights to offer and being that you've stopped 7 weeks before, and are now up to 5 weeks currently, I know you have what it takes to finally put this behind you for good. Unfortunately, many who cheat are on the prowl because they "Just wanted to" and have no other intention other than to punch another notch in their egotistical belt. We fool ourselves into believing that we are special, needed, wanted, desired, but the truth is, we were just convenient or available. I work with my Xmm and finally had to realize just how "available" I really was, and how he didn't have to walk any further than a few feet to get what he wanted. I made it so easy for him, all the while lying to myself for 4.5 years that Xmm couldn't live without me. <
Stick with your NC and you will be completely "free at last", once all of the first year anniversaries/birthdays have passed, and all of those triggers have faded to a mere spec of "Whatever." :smileywink:
((Hugs))
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hi Freeatlast,
I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you here, but so pleased that you found our community. I felt exactly the same way when I first stumbled across EAS, and agree with everything you said. This Board
the 5 weeks NC comes after 6 years of mixed contact (started casual fling, became "friendly" for a few years, ended in A) and many many MANY attempts at NC and then losing to the horrid withdrawals that came just minutes, hours, days after trying to break it off. I used to think that meant "love". Now I think it meant "addiction"!
I'm coming up to 3 months NC any day now and I can hardly believe the difference EAS has made in my life. My anxiety disorder has resolved entirely, my self-loathing guilt is gradually starting to fade, my love and admiration for my H are strengthening by the day, and my days are filled with joy and laughter. And today when faced with a trigger from the A, I actually rolled my eyes and thought "whatever" before I even realised what I was doing!! When I stumbled across this site on 24 January - blinded with tears and self-doubt - I would never have thought that my life could change so much in three months.
It's wonderful to hear the strength of resolve in your posts. You really are commited to ending this, and I'm backing you to succeed.:)
Big hugs
Kat