Desperately Seeking Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2011
Desperately Seeking Support
8
Wed, 04-20-2011 - 11:38am

EA ended one week, two days and just over 5 hours ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 04-20-2011 - 12:33pm

ME,

I am sorry you are in so much pain. Coming here was a good decision because we have all been through the A ringer, one way or another. So, you had a D-Day. There is a thread under the Married OW/OM issues section re. D-Day's, and also a thread in the Healing Library. Be sure to read everything you can on this forum re. how affairs are addictive, how we obsess like crazy of the Xmm once they end, how NC may be difficult, but is the ONLY WAY to end an A, etc.

You really do need IC (Individual Counseling). With having two disabled children, why isn't there already support in play for you? There are many organizations for helping parents of disabled children and perhaps they have a referral system for moms that are suffering from depression and exhaustion. You don't need to tell them anything about your A...just find someone to unload on, and perhaps get some advice on what medications to help you with your depression.

I am sorry you don't have any close friends or family members to lean on....What about your church? Is there a pastor you can talk to without be judged or ostracized? I would also Google "help for stress and depression" and see where that may lead you. It's time to start looking out for #1...and that is YOU, my dear.

Stick to NC. Your XAP cannot help you. Keep reading and posting here, and try to learn all that you can on how to overcome the next few months of despair and confusion. We are also here to help you in whatever way we can. We are not professionals, but many of us have other issues that we were running away from pre-A, and are learning how to cope with them now....After the affair. You may think your XAP was the solution to your loneliness and neediness, but he only added to it.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2011
Wed, 04-20-2011 - 12:48pm

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 04-20-2011 - 1:00pm

Honey,

You are NOT a horrible person so please stop thinking of yourself that way. It is not going to help. What you did...what we ALL did was a not so nice things, but that does not make us bad people. As long as we self correct and fly straight again, then we are learning from our mistake so as to never do it again.

You do have a lot on your plate. This is why XAP was just adding to the weight already on it. You need help, and I would look into organizations that can assist you. I believe your H has his own issues to deal with right now, so leaning on him would not be a good idea. This is a journey you need to travel on your own, for now anyway. If Hubby is so worried about you, then let him flip the bill so you can get some IC. (Individual Counseling).

Don't be afraid to ask for help. You came here, didn't you? Now reach out to people in your RL that can really help alleviate some of the burden you carry.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2011
Wed, 04-20-2011 - 2:45pm

H made me promise that if I slipped up and had ANY contact with him that I would tell him becase that would be the beginning of our rebuilding of trust.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2011
Wed, 04-20-2011 - 5:41pm

I am so sorry that you are in such a dark place right now but please know that this will get easier and

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 04-20-2011 - 5:57pm
Dear MissE, warm ((hugs)) to you honey. As I read your story, my heart went out to you. You have to be so strong for your children yet you are trying to cope with so much in your personal life. It's more than any one pair of shoulders should have to carry alone.

I agree with Iddy. We can be here for you (as long as you really are commited to NC) but you need more support than this Board alone can provide. I'm not sure where you live, but there must be a local organisation that can provide you with some advice and assistance?? As hard as it may be, you need to reach out and let people in your community know that you and your children need their support. (I was recently approached by a complete stranger - the mother of two disabled children whose marriage had recently ended - who asked me to help her with a simple task while her daughter was undergoing surgery. She has since become a dear friend and her disabled children have brought so much joy and richness to my life. By asking for help, you are not imposing but sharing a blessing with others.)

Welcome to our safe and caring community. Read lots and post often and we will do whatever we can to help you through this.

Big hugs

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2011
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 10:17pm

So, after my last post things got rough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 04-22-2011 - 1:56am
MissE, I'm feeling really concerned about you. Allowing your H to scream at you in front of your kids, turning to valium and vicodin when it all gets too much, skipping meals, dragging a baby out in the car at 2.30am, lashing out at yourself ... there are just so many indicators that you are struggling to care for yourself in a healthy way let alone care for four vulnerable children as well. Sweetie, you need real life support urgently and, as much as we would like to help, this Board is not going to be enough to get you through this. You need to ask for help. Right now. Who can you call MissE? Your child's pediatrician? A mental health crisis team? Your local church? Please - make some calls, let someone know that you're feeling overwhelmed and need some help, and then check back in to let us know how you're doing.

With care and concern

Kat.