I know you are in pain right now, so I will simply welcome you to our community, ask you to read everything you can, spend lots of time in our Healing Library, and try to use the next few days to just be..... There is really nothing no one can say right now that will make you feel any better. You will be grieving this loss, and if family is constantly around, crying in the shower helps, or going for short walks just so you can be alone with your thoughts without interruptions.
Hoping to end an A on your terms is no different than hoping that an A will ever be something more than what it really is. They all end and this can happen at any given moment. There are no rules in affairs.
In our Healing Library is a list of abbreviations, so go check that out. If you don't know where the HL is, look at the top of this page where it says, JUMP TO: Then you will see all of the different sections, of which the Healing Library is one of them.
hi Mistery If xAP is 'ignoring' your emails... be GRATEFUL.... i know it hurts right now (he probably hurts too).... but in time you will be thankful... when an A ends you see a very bleak future but it wont end up that way... focus on your family and RE-ENGAGE in everyway with them... work hard on reestablishing those bonds with H, if you loved him once, you can no doubt love him again... just as A's make us 'bond' chemically with xAP, so intimacy with H will help to bring back those chemical highs with H....
There is only ONE thing in this world harder than finishing and maintainng NC post affair and that is a dday... you have dodged that bullett so far.. you are VERY lucky long may it stay that way
Now promise ....no more emals or FISHING block and walk and pray he has enough self restraint for the both of you... good luck and keep posting NC x
Mistery, I would really like to welcome you to EAS but it's not clear to me whether you are "ending" or "waiting and hoping"??? You say that if he wants to start things back you won't be strong enough to say no. Well, I can tell you now that thinking like that is going to lead you right back to the mess you've been in.
It doesn't matter who called a stop to the A, the hurt you are feeling won't begin to heal until you CHOOSE to end it. It's not too late. You CAN end it on your terms by taking back control of your life right NOW. Delete his number from your phone. Block his texts and emails. Make a decision that he will never be allowed to hurt you like this again and walk away. Turn your attention towards the people who really matter in your life. Ending this A is YOUR CHOICE and when you are ready to make that choice we will be here to support you.
Yes, you have been selfish. We all were. But your xAP is offering you a chance to get out now before you destroy everything you hold dear in your life. Take that chance with both hands and run towards a life of honesty and integrity. Make choices that your kids would be proud of.
Oh Mistery669, ditto on everything you wrote! But I have to tell you it gets better if you do NC.
My XAP constantly ended our EA (usually with great drama) and always came back. I would welcome him back with open... err..email (it was an EA, remember) and I would tell him (and myself) that I was in love with him and there was nothing to be done about it. My emotional connection with my XAP was titanium strong. (that's all we had) Now I realize that that the strong connection was basically an addiction. Although I am not the poster child for NC, I am becoming a big believer in it. Putting distance between you and your AP will really help you clarify your relationship with him, and you will find it's not all hearts and flowers. It will also help you figure your relationship with your husband (at least it did for me).
Mistery,
I know you are in pain right now, so I will simply welcome you to our community, ask you to read everything you can, spend lots of time in our Healing Library, and try to use the next few days to just be..... There is really nothing no one can say right now that will make you feel any better. You will be grieving this loss, and if family is constantly around, crying in the shower helps, or going for short walks just so you can be alone with your thoughts without interruptions.
Hoping to end an A on your terms is no different than hoping that an A will ever be something more than what it really is. They all end and this can happen at any given moment. There are no rules in affairs.
In our Healing Library is a list of abbreviations, so go check that out. If you don't know where the HL is, look at the top of this page where it says, JUMP TO: Then you will see all of the different sections, of which the Healing Library is one of them.
If xAP is 'ignoring' your emails... be GRATEFUL.... i know it hurts right now (he probably hurts too).... but in time you will be thankful... when an A ends you see a very bleak future but it wont end up that way... focus on your family and RE-ENGAGE in everyway with them... work hard on reestablishing those bonds with H, if you loved him once, you can no doubt love him again... just as A's make us 'bond' chemically with xAP, so intimacy with H will help to bring back those chemical highs with H....
There is only ONE thing in this world harder than finishing and maintainng NC post affair and that is a dday... you have dodged that bullett so far.. you are VERY lucky long may it stay that way
Now promise ....no more emals or FISHING block and walk and pray he has enough self restraint for the both of you...
good luck and keep posting
NC x
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
It doesn't matter who called a stop to the A, the hurt you are feeling won't begin to heal until you CHOOSE to end it. It's not too late. You CAN end it on your terms by taking back control of your life right NOW. Delete his number from your phone. Block his texts and emails. Make a decision that he will never be allowed to hurt you like this again and walk away. Turn your attention towards the people who really matter in your life. Ending this A is YOUR CHOICE and when you are ready to make that choice we will be here to support you.
Yes, you have been selfish. We all were. But your xAP is offering you a chance to get out now before you destroy everything you hold dear in your life. Take that chance with both hands and run towards a life of honesty and integrity. Make choices that your kids would be proud of.
((Hugs))
Kat
My XAP constantly ended our EA (usually with great drama) and always came back. I would welcome him back with open... err..email (it was an EA, remember) and I would tell him (and myself) that I was in love with him and there was nothing to be done about it. My emotional connection with my XAP was titanium strong. (that's all we had) Now I realize that that the strong connection was basically an addiction. Although I am not the poster child for NC, I am becoming a big believer in it. Putting distance between you and your AP will really help you clarify your relationship with him, and you will find it's not all hearts and flowers. It will also help you figure your relationship with your husband (at least it did for me).
Hang in there. I know how hard this is.
((hugs))
Kat