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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
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2
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 11:36pm

I cant think of a title for this.

Things have been really really really bad around here emotionally and really really really good with everything else, so I just ignored myself for months...not a good idea. All in all, last week I planned to su, down to the dollar and the timing and everything. I was so sick that even though I knew things werent "right" for me to do it, I was happy knowing that I had a plan and was able to work towards the day that I could do it. What kind of sick crap is that???

So anyways, needless to say I didnt do it, but I wasnt planning on doing it now in the first place, so not a huge triumph. One thing that did happen that I hope is good. I finally broke down and explained to DH that I need him more emotionally than I have a right to, but I dont know any other way to make myself okay. Yeah therapy is good, but I cant get there and cant pay for it and twice a month is barely a scratch on the surface yanno? I think I need to go like once a week probably at least. Anyways, everytime I go and things feel better I get manicky and then I feel okay and blah blah blah and then I dont go. This last time I didnt have money and she doesnt take our insurance but DH got another job...long freaking story there...it almost got us divorced though.....and I think he has insurance after 90 days...but I dunno.

So basically I told him he has to treat me like he does the kids, at least emotionally, and he says he will try, and its been good...for the last few days, but who knows how long it will last.

School is great, 6 more weeks till graduation and A's on all my midterms. The kids are A/B honor roll and good behavior and I applied for Graduate school and the money situation is okay and we are doing fine outwardly....so yay for that. I couldnt handle both being messed up at once.

I am sorry I am not here to be more supportive but I will try. I love you guys and thought about you alot, I just felt like I needed to be alone, if that makes any sense.

Rebekah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
In reply to: inky3405
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 9:18am

It makes all the sense in the world Rebekah. And congrats on your upcoming graduation. It's good that you got your dh to be more supportive of you. And be glad you didn't su. You have so much to live for... your dh, your kids, your education that you've worked so hard for. You owe it to yourself to stick around and we want you to stick around too. And don't worry about not being able to post to others here, we've all been there. So hang in there and take care of you. Post when you can and keep us posted on how you're doing.


Hugs,
Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: inky3405
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 10:10am

hey girl !!

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