stressful saying "no"

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
stressful saying "no"
6
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 10:10am
i'm actually fighting the urge to recant.
untill recently i was carpooling a girl from dd's school.i happen to hate driving there & the whole thing took me so out of my way i'd be driving for an hour during the worst hours of the afternoon.even if my dd was home sick i'd have to pick up this kid.i have 2 other children(mine)i have to pick up at another school at staggered hours fighting the parking.
so i got out of that at my tdoc's urging.
now,the former elementary school glamour queen who's mom has been on & off a good friend is transferring to dd's school & her mom wanted me to carpool her.(i guess its b/c of me we could be better friends which is why i feel so lousy)
i said no...& i didn't lie well at all b/c i COULD'VE managed it.i just don't want the added stress.i'm too depressed...but i can't say THAT.
the mom's best friend's kid goes to the same school,but i guess shedoesn't pick her up.i know she doesn't work,but i guess she makes other arrangments.
so why should i feel guilty?but i do.
all i want to do at the end of the day is pick up my kids & GO HOME.is that so bad?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 12:53pm

No it's a perfectly reasonable expectation--I'm glad you stuck to your guns and said no.

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 1:23pm
thanks...i needed that.
i HATE the stress of being totally responsible for other people's kids.
i have enough trouble w/ my own
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 4:44pm

When I was working that's all I wanted to do at the end of the day also. There were many days when I wished I could go right home and then they would magically be there (my kids). The drive home is stressful sometimes. with BP a walk in the park can be stressful. Part of me feels guilty for staying home (on disability) but the other part knows that I can't focus long enough for it to be benefical to my career. There were so many minor mistakes I was making. Of course everyone caught them and went straight to upper management. I hope they replace me before my disability ends. I still want to work for the same company but I can't go back to that group of people. They just added to this manic episode I'm having. Each time I think of going back I get more and more stressed out. I wish I could get it out of my mind. Well, typing about that is not helping me.
Maybe I should type about my children whom I love but drive me bananas. If they are peacfully playing then I'm ok but if they get excited, I get nervous. The endless Mommy's and need for attention just gets to me sometimes. My husband is content to veg out on the couch (now he's asleep), while they play, but I always feel like I should be doing something. Which reminds me the clean dishes are waiting to be put away. Take Care

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 5:01am
No it's not. I dont pick children up BUT I hate it when I cant go from work to home. I cant stand it I want to go home & stay home Ive done my social thing by being at work. So I totally understand how you feel. I would even feel more anger knowing shes home & can do the same darn thing! Would she go out of the way for you...Thats me thinking sorry your a good person to do it but it IS okay to say no...HUGS!
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Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 1:00pm
i did say no....& i felt all stressed b/c she phrased her questions so it was difficult to lie.i just got out of doing it recently on a regular basis & the reason i couldn't stand it was b/c if my dd came home sick or didn't go to school i had to make the long trip to the middle school & do the dropoff anyway.once i even had to cut short my other dd's afterschool to fit it all in.
anyway..this woman DOES work & her job is not flexible.it's her best friend,who's dd goes to the same school & picks up her younger dd(the same place i have to go as well)BUT doesn't pick up her dd at the middle school that this woman's dd is transfering to(my dd's middle school.)i SO resented picking up & ferrying around that last child i swore i wouldn't do it anymore.
i figure this woman has done enough favors for her best friend that SHE could alter her schedule & help her out.
thanks for the encouragment tho.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:08pm
Saying "no" has always been a huge issue with me. I have a very hard time doing it! With my tdoc's help...I have become better at it. But...then I have to deal with the guilt.