not good at this

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
not good at this
1
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 10:52pm

I am not so good at comming to the boards whenI need to. I had a real bad day a week ago and almost ended up fihgting with the police and almost ended up in the hospital by force but luckily I didnt go i/p bc the hospitals here really stink. well I totaly messed up my back from wrestling around on the ground with the cops and hospital staff, so no wI am taking some really strong pain meds and muscle relaxers but have made some safety measures that I will not haev any pills here that I could harm myself so I feel as if I am doing much better, am giving Lexapr and Risperdal a second chance.
I dont post here much bc I guess you could say I am/was in denial but not so much anymore I am pretty sure I am PB my sister is BP and I think my father is also so I am pretty sure I am but any how I am rambling on. my moods are so bad 1 min I am happy then bamb I am in a depressed mood to a angry mood to a hyper mood all in one day this happens a lot during the day and I am tired of the roller coaster I am on with my moods so I am willing to give any medicine a chance right now.
All I know is that i have to be the best mom,wife, and friend I can possibly be I am tired of losing ppl that i care about due to my moods and what I do and say to ppl that I care about. I have lost 1 friend already and I think I am losing my best friend now due to what I do and that is so sad, but all I can do is try. Sorry for Rambling on.

Keli if you read this could you please email me at brownice70@aol.com or use my email addy in my profile, I really need to ask you some Q's

Thanks Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 4:34pm
You're not alone. Although I have never even dreamed of hurting myself, I can follow what you have to say. My mind is racing in 10 different directions and I find it hard to explain myself at all. I cannot justify the reason I don't straigten up the house since I'm out on disability. It just seems like an overwhelming task. So I ignore it. I do the dishes and the laudry and once a week I vaccuum. Beyond that our house is a disaster area. I can't work right now because I am unable to focus. I don't think I lose friends the same way you do but I clam up often when others get to close. I have a scarcastic nature and that may push others away. While I was working I was told my tone was not professional. I'm sure now that it's the anger that I keep bent up inside me. The only way out is the tone of my voice. It's very difficult for me to be assertive. I just have next to no self esteem. I do clean the bathrooms but not as often as I should. The sheets only get changed every 2 wks. I'm on edge a lot of the time lately, I want to do something but I don't know what. I wish I was at an amusement park with a roller coaster!!! Then I could get all of this screaming out of me. I too feel like I have to be perfect but there is nothing wrong with those around me. I let others take the lead too often. I'm rambling in a nonsence order, so I'll sign off.