Not sure what to do...rather frightened
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Not sure what to do...rather frightened
| Fri, 11-10-2006 - 7:39pm |
Is is even possible for a woman is pretty severely bi-polar to give birth to a normal child? I am so worried. I have been a NUT all my life! I am terrified this child will also be a nut. I couldn't handle that. I am also a total rotten lousy social failure. What if I pass it down to the child? I am SOOOOOOOO emotional right now, I can't quit crying. Why did I get pregnant? WHAT WAS I THINKING??? I am really terrified. :(
Jodie
Jodie

{{{{{{{{Jodie}}}}}}}
I am a little depressed right now myself, but I think I can answer this one. The lives of even the severely mentally ill are worth living. I am bipolar and mildly autistic, but I have had happinesses that have made it all worth it.
I think I should tell you now that the one thing that my mother ever said to me that hurt me the most was that if she had known I would be mentally ill, that she would have had an abortion. I think my life has been worth living, and I am sorry my mother didn't always seem to think that. Chances are, your child will want a chance at life, too.
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
Jodie
Jodie,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way and I can understand how you feel. I have suffered with mental illness since my preteen/teen years. My biological mother is bipolar, her mother was schizoaffective disorder, I am bipolar I. My adoptive father is bipolar. I was "meant" to deal with this illness. When dh and I got married and eventually decided to have children, it wasn't without many, many talks about "what if...". Eventually we decided to have a child (8 years after being married). Our ds has been "different" since day one and we (and others) knew there were going to be problems. He does have something going on (take your pick of diagnoses:ODD, ADHD, Asperger's and bipolar NOS). He is 8. It's been a struggle, but I would not trade him for the world. He is my world. He tends to trigger me and I trigger him, but we are best friends because we understand eachother on a level my dh can't understand because he's not BP. We eventually decided to have another child, who is now 4. She seems to be a little on the hyper side every now and then, but even if she does end up with mental health issues, I would not change my decision. Parenting, no matter how wonderful your kids are, is hard. I know it is scary, I still worry about my ds. But, the way I look at it is, if I take care of myself, educate myself and comply with my medications and seek help when needed, I am setting a good example for him. I feel fortunate, in a sense, that I am bp because I will be able to better help my ds. I try to find the positives in it. There have been days when I wonder if I made the right choice or not. Then there are those moments, when being with him is the most perfect thing in the world.
I know it's a frightening, but please try to be positive. No matter what, you will love your child. There are going to be tough spots no matter what the outcome is but you will do just fine and you will be able to handle whatever comes your way. Many hugs...I hope you are feeling better soon.
Jodie, sweetie, I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I don't know if it helps, but I think EVERY parent worries that their kids will inherit their worst traits. I don't know a lot about the genetics of bipolar, but I would guess that it's a complex trait (as opposed to a simple trait controlled by one gene). That means that chances are good that even if your child is bipolar, he/she will have a different variety of bipolar than you (perhaps less severe?). Also, genetics is not everything. Environment can change things, so try to concentrate on what you can do to create a positive environment after your baby is here. You can't control the genes, so try not to worry about them.
It is very sad that you often feel like you wish you had never been born. You may find that your baby changes that, though. Kids do have a way of bringing meaning to life that you can't imagine until you've had them. (I'm assuming this is your first. Forgive me if I'm wrong.) I never wanted to be a mother. Never. I was a wreck through most of my pregnancy. My baby has pulled me out of some serious depressions, and I could even argue has saved my life. We just had our second. Fears are normal, and don't underestimate those hormones! There are many jokes about hormones and women, which annoys me because it is a very real phenomenon, and not at all funny when it happens to you.
Kids are always a surprise. Try to keep that in mind.
Hope you feel better,
Cari
((((((((jodie)))))))))))
Hey, I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, after I had two kids. My second pregancy, with being undiagnosed and hormonal was horrible. I really was a mess. So, I can relate to a point, but as I was undiagnosed, I just thought it was hormones. After I got diagnosed I went through a time where I was really scared for my children, I was over analyzing everything they went through and was terrified.
But I got to thinking about my childhood. I am adopted and know nothing about my birth parents, and after I was diagnosed I got to thinking about how its a probably good bet that one or both of them may have been mentally ill, or had mental illness in their family and how that may have been a factor in their decision. I still wasn't sure about my kids how to handle it if they do end up sick like me or how I felt about my life.
I started getting caught up in the joy that I recieved from my children. It is really undescribable. I started on meds and got stable and am truly happy. I have an incredible husband and wonderful kids and I started to notice that I became a much more compassionate and understanding person because of all I had been through, less judgemental toward others and started focusing on the positives I could find about being bipolar. There is even a thread to that effect a few weeks ago http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhbipolar&msg=12780.1&ctx=128
I started for the first time being happy to be alive, to have a wonderful family. I started thinking again about my birth parents and how I am so thankful that I was not aborted, that I was allowed a chance to live, learn and grow.
I was still scared for my kids and what they might go through. I tried to go back to college to get my masters degree in counseling. Although I didn't finish because of my fibromyalgia and other health issues, I did get a lot out of it personally. The class I took was a group therapy class, and we did group therapy in class. This issue came out in class one day. My classmates and professor (who was a genious in her field, truly) helped me to understand that I was the best person for the job of raising my kids, as if they did end up with bipolar disorder or something else, that I knew what they would be going through, I knew the resources that they might need and had the experience to help them.
I knew the truth of this because although my mom is the best for a lot of reasons, she was clueless on how to deal with my issues. She had no experience or knowledge of what to do.
SO to wrap up my LONG story (didn't think I would be this long winded!) I have ups and downs and mixed days, I still get the occasional hallucination or delusion or both. :)
But I have the tools to deal with it, any mood is going to be temporary :) And I have the tools to better help my kids should they have issues.
Lisalyanne
let me assure you that i am so bad that when i got pg everyone shook their heads in dissappointment BUT i went on to have 3 very normal children.
all tested.all approved.
Yes, it IS!
Jodi,
Everyone has givin you a great deal of good advice and how they feel. It's normal to feel the way you are feeling. When I got pregnant I worried too if my dd would have issues with mental illness. My whole family line has some form of mental illness a drug/alcohol addiction. I was a lucky one and didn't have a drug or alcohol addiction but I got the mental illness.
Out of me and my sister and brother, I was the only one planned. My mom had my sister when she was 16 and my brother when she was 17 almost 18 and then I came along when my mom was 24. My life has been a big challenge to say the least but I am glad my parents wanted me and had me. I am sure your baby will be glad you decided to have her/him.
Right now your emotions are all over the place and not being medicated doesn't help with the emotions that come with pregnancy and BP. Be easy on yourself and know you will make a great mom. Once you are able to get back on meds things will get easier. There are people out here who have other handicaps and disabilities that are parents and fear giving their illness to their kids or their disability affecting their child in some form. There are some poeple out here who claim to be "normal" and have kids that are unruly and have issues. It is life. IF your child has a form of mental illness you will be understanding to your child about what they are going through. Educating yourself and seeking treatment will allow you to be more knowledgable for your child in helping them.
The coping skills we have to learn in life and while dealing with BP will help your child whether he/she has a mental illness or not because you will be able to teach your child these coping skills. You are a strong person and can and will get through this.
You deserve this child and this child deserves you.
Big Hugs,
Tina
~ Tina ~